Unmei no Haguruma
by QuartzFox
Summary: His foundations had been built on a demanding philosophy, but when they crumbled he had tried to follow a different path – taking his life on a parallel course with another man, one whose quest she shared as well. Redemption need not be sought alone…
1. Chapter 1

_[AN] The title comes from one of the themes on the OST, from the Kyoto arc – which struck me as particularly appropriate. The working title of this piece was originally "Sides of a Coin", stressing the similarities between the paths of three particular characters. However, this title had been teasing at my mind for a long time, and then I realized how well it fit… [/AN]_

**Unmei no Haguruma**

**(Wheel of Fate) **

Part I: Arrival

The bedraggled young man half-staggered into town, exhausted beyond even the impressive endurance he possessed. His unkempt hair fell into his eyes and his worn clothing seemed to be held together by sheer force of will. It was anyone's guess as to when he'd last eaten a proper meal or slept the night through.

A slightly built youth, out on an errand, came across the stranger. His concern overcame his distrust when the lean figure, shorter but than himself, raised chocolate brown eyes full of profound sadness.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Aa," the stranger croaked.

"No. You're not. Here, let me help you," the young man said. "I'll take you to our doctor. In the shape you're in, I know I'd never hear the end of it if I didn't bring you to get immediate medical attention. Our doctor is very persistent about these things."

"No… I… No doctor…"

"With all due respect, sir, I don't think you're in any shape to argue. Here." The slim youth threw his arm around the shorter man's waist just as he collapsed. "Wow. You're kinda heavy, no offense. Stronger than you look, I'd bet, when you're not at death's door. But don't worry. Our doctor can cure just about anything," he said proudly.

He kept up a running monologue all the way back to the clinic.

His name was Nobuo, he was sixteen, and he was a huge fan of the doctor who had come to town a few years before. The man he had just encountered hardly seemed to be aware of his surroundings, much less what his temporary companion was saying, but Nobuo did not let that stop him.

The clinic was not large, but it was busy when they arrived.

"Nobuokun! Isn't it bad enough you pick up stray animals all the time for the doctor to tend? Now you're picking up stray people?" one oldster teased.

Nobuo shrugged one-sidedly. The other still supported the ragged man. "I can't help it. How else am I going to learn to be a great doctor like – Takanisensei!" As he was speaking, the doctor had emerged from the inner office and caught sight of them.

"Nobuo! Another stray? Bring him inside. I'll just be a moment, to get him settled. He doesn't look to have any immediate injuries. Nobuokun, would you help me with him please?"

The enthusiastic young man nodded and supported his half-conscious burden into one of the rear examination rooms. The doctor sat down next to the bed and looked at the patient. Malnourished, unwashed, and exhausted, the stranger clearly needed rest and food above all else. The doctor said as much, adding, "If you would stay here, there's some broth. If he can feed himself, so much the better. If not, you'll need to feed him for now, since that's the most important thing. But remember, only a little, or he'll get sick."

Nobuo nodded. Following the doctor's instructions, he ladled some of the broth that was simmering on the stove into a bowl and brought it to the vagabond.

The doctor had resumed examining the steady stream of patients who were waiting not so patiently. They were all curious about the stranger who had been brought in before their very eyes, the mysterious young man who had clearly seen better days. Who was he, where was he from, what was wrong with him?

"It's not plague, it's malnourishment. He's had it rough. More than that, I don't know," was the doctor's only response.

When the last of the headaches had been given a powder, and the last stomachache some tea, and the last injury bandaged, the doctor returned to Nobuo and his patient.

"Takanisensei. He had about half of the bowl before falling asleep."

"That's fine. Eating too much would only make him very ill; rest is even more important."

They watched the sleeping man's chest rise and fall slowly, his breathing only slightly labored.

"I hope he gets his strength back soon," Nobuo said finally. "For one thing, if he isn't much cleaner by the time your sister comes back from Tokyo…"

At that, the doctor laughed softly. "You've got that right, Nobuokun," he said. "She does value cleanliness, and rightly so. Still, as much as I love my sister, Megumi has never been very good at keeping her opinions to herself."

The young man blushed slightly and nodded. Though he was ten years her junior, he was crushing rather severely on the beautiful sister of his hero. Ever since she had come to Aizu nearly five years before, she had become the epitome of everything he idealized in a woman.

Takani Toshihiro, having established his clinic nearly a year prior to her arrival, knew of this and gently discouraged the young man as best he could. Even he did not know her entire story, but he knew that someone had hurt his little sister, and someone else had broken her heart, and now that they'd found one another again, nothing was going to happen to her on his watch. That was part of his job, as the big brother.

"She's due back the day after tomorrow, isn't she?" Nobuo asked.

"Yes. I'm glad she finally took the opportunity to go to visit her friends from Tokyo," Toshihiro said.

"It's the first time in three years," Nobuo said by way of agreement.

"Aa." He remembered how his sister had looked upon her return from that first trip. That had been when he knew that the man who had broken her heart was in Tokyo. He had some very strong suspicions, but Megumi refused to talk to him about that aspect of her life.

"What's done is done," she'd said. "I lost a game I could never have won and wish I hadn't wanted to try." She'd refused to discuss it further, and when Toshihiro had persisted, she pointed out that her unmarried state was hardly something her unmarried brother could criticize.

He'd conceded the point. He knew that someday, even his stubborn baby sister would give in; something would happen that would make her talk about it at last. It had never taken so long when they were younger, but then, much had changed for them in the intervening years…

Takani Toshihiro remembered the last time he had seen his sister as a child. She had been crying and begging him not to go away; not to follow in the footsteps of their father. Unlike their fifteen year old brother Hideaki, he had not been anxious to go to war, but like his parents, felt the need to help heal those who needed it most. And so he had left with Hideaki, their mother traveling with them to the front to put her own impressive medical skills to their best use. Megumi had stayed with a family friend, one whom the children had grown up calling "Uncle". At twelve, she had been far too young.

He had been seventeen when he saw his father killed on the battlefield. He'd sent word to Megumi but did not know if it reached her; the war had already pulled him farther from home. He was separated from his mother and had not found out what had happened to her or his younger brother, who had joined the Byakkotai in order to fight.

He didn't know the details. He remembered an explosion, and a dark hazy time, but when he'd regained full awareness he had been in Kyuushuu. He had made a home for himself there, working on regaining his memories and his strength, helping a doctor on that southernmost island. But then word had come to him of the desperate need in his home province and he had returned.

Not two years later, his sister had arrived. For five years, they had worked together in harmony, just happy to have found one another. Though the clinic did not flourish financially, they were doing well enough to stay afloat.

Toshihiro wondered why he was remembering so much so suddenly as he contemplated the young man. Nobuo was washing the patient's face with a soft cloth, and though he was filthy and malnourished, the stranger did not seem to be badly injured. 

"I suspect he's simply been too long on the road," the doctor mused aloud. "There's nothing for it but he stays here. Megumi-neechan probably won't like it."

"Probably not, Nobuo said with a resigned smile. "She's very protective of her privacy."

"That's no bad thing," the doctor chastised.

"I know, I know. I'm just unenthusiastic about being the one to bear the brunt of her wrath, since she never takes it out on you."

"Ha!" He had to laugh at Nobuo's disconcerted expression. "She does indeed, but not so anyone else would notice. She's my sister, after all, and she does know how to get to me. Also," he said more seriously, "Remember that as doctors we must present a more united front to the public than almost anyone except parents."

Nobuo made a noncommittal noise.

"Anyway, over the next day or so, let's see if we can't get this guy cleaned up at least a little. It might not be enough for my sister's standards, but he is pretty rank, and she won't stand for that at all." 

At Nobuo's nod, Toshihiro laughed again. "I'll leave you to it."

Despite the younger man's grumblings, the doctor could tell that he was happy to help. Confident in his assistant's skills, Toshihiro left them and returned to the queue of patients better able to explain their conditions.

That evening, the bedraggled stranger was still asleep. He hadn't woken up during the sponge bath that Nobuo had tried to give him, nor had he stirred when the youth had tried to feed him. Eventually, Toshihiro had suggested they let the man sleep. "His body knows best what it needs, and if he's that deeply asleep, we'll just let him rest." The doctor had left some broth in a covered bowl by the man's bedside, should he awaken during the night and want something, and sent Nobuo home before retreating to his own bed.

The next day proved relatively uneventful; the stranger woke up late in the afternoon only long enough to eat something and to be helped to the facilities. He was clearly not up to answering any questions, but Nobuo and Toshihiro gave him another sponge bath before he went back to sleep.

"Is that normal? What if he's really sick?"

The doctor shook his head slowly. "I don't think he is. Unless I miss my mark, that young man is very near to the point where he would be very ill, but he's a fighter. He's not going to let some disease lay him low. Did you notice his hands?"

"His hands?"

"Yes. He has sword calluses, although they seem worn. It's been some time since he wielded a sword, but he spent many years doing so – and I'd guess he was quite good at it. Also, his legs show a very strong definition. He was used to running at high speeds, and possibly for a relatively long time. But there's been some deterioration there as well; it looks as though he'd been doing small labor here and there for the last few years."

Nobuo was looking at his mentor with awe. "You can tell all that just from looking at him… Will I ever be as good as you are?"

The eldest scion of the Takani line chuckled softly. "It's very possible, but it will take quite a lot of work."

"Megumisensei comes back tomorrow," the boy said, changing the subject abruptly.

"Yes. I'm sure you'll be happy," the older man teased.

Nobuo tried to deny the evidence of his flushed cheeks. "So will you. And while I hope she had a good visit, I'm sure she'll be happy to be home too."

Toshihiro chuckled again. "That's true, I will. And I'm sure she will too. For now, the hour is late. Go home and have dinner with your family." As he watched his protégé leave, the doctor felt a wave of sadness pass over him briefly.

~She'll be home tomorrow. But she's right… It's time I look for a wife.~ Sighing, the man shook his head and went about his own preparations for a meal.

He figured he was respectable enough as a man that the marriageable women didn't shy from him, and his lack of parents to be domineering in-laws had to be a plus in the eyes of many. He worked hard and made a decent living for himself, in a thoroughly respectable position. There was no question in his mind about his looks. He wore his hair a little past his shoulders, long enough to make a decent tail, but wisps occasionally escaped to frame his face and fall into his deep brown eyes. Tall and broad-shouldered, he had a pretty good build though he occasionally bemoaned the slight love handles that had developed since Megumi's arrival in town. Like his sister, he took after Takani Isamu. Though Ryuusei had not been an unattractive man, Isamu was a true beauty. In Megumi, her features were mirrored almost exactly; on him, they were masculinized nicely. The strong chin, the widely spaced eyes, the long nose all came together to form a face that had left many girls staring after him wistfully.

As a youth, he'd always felt more awkward than attractive, something that the girls his age had done little to change. The truth was, he'd never really noticed them, absorbed as he was in his studies. Then the war came, and there was no time. Afterward, there was always some excuse not to find a wife and settle down… And then he'd found Megumi.

His little sister had grown to be an impressive woman. Competent and capable, she ran the household as smoothly as she helped him run the clinic. Before she'd come, he had been a good doctor but hopelessly disorganized. She'd set him to rights. Part of him felt that he didn't need a wife if she was around. After all, she kept their home neat and clean, kept him well fed… And there were other outlets for his other basic needs.

~But what will you do if she finds a husband? Anything could happen. For all you know, that broken little stray could be the future love of her life. Under the dirt and devastation, he looks like he'd clean up pretty well. Although he may be a bit younger than her…~ Shaking his head to clear it, Toshihiro dismissed the possibility. ~I've gotten too comfortable. I need to shake things up.~

He went to bed, finding it easier than he had expected to fall asleep.

The morning went swiftly in Toshihiro's estimation, although Nobuo complained that it was dragging too slowly for his tastes.

"When my sister returns, you can go back to your usual routine. I feel bad about having kept you here so much."

"I don't mind, Takanisensei," the boy said. "It's not as if I really want to follow my father's path into his business."

"And here I thought you just decided to go into medicine so you could spend more time with my sister."

"Did not," Nobuo muttered.

Toshihiro laughed again.

"What's so funny?" a familiar, acerbic voice said behind them.

"Takanisensei!" Red-faced and trying to hide it, the young part-time assistant stood up quickly and bowed deeply to his hero's sister.

"Neechan," Toshihiro beamed as he opened his arms.

"Yare yare, you'd think I'd been gone for a year instead of two weeks," Megumi rolled her eyes in exasperation. Her actions gave lie to her words as she accepted her brother's embrace warmly. From the way she clung to him for that extra moment, he knew how glad she was to be home – and away from the source of her heartbreak.

"It was hard, wasn't it," he said sotto voce.

She nodded slightly. "Not as bad as I thought it would be, but I don't think it will ever be truly easy."

He made a small sound in the back of his throat and released her. Tossing back her hair, she looked around. "I see you've managed somehow to keep the place from falling apart without me."

"Only barely," her brother replied with an easy grin.

She made a small noise of her own. "So you never did tell me what was so funny when I came in."

"Oh, it's nothing really. Nobuo was just –"

"Telling-him-a-joke!" Flushing more deeply than before, the young man waved dismissively. "Not something for a lady's delicate hearing," he added with only slightly less panic.

The elder Takani seemed ready to choke on his own amusement, while the younger looked unimpressed. Shaking her head again, she picked up her bag. "I'm going to unpack and settle in."

"Before you see him and panic, Nobuo picked up another stray," Toshihiro mentioned. "He's been asleep for the last two days. He's been severely malnourished and pushed past his limits. The best thing for him is rest, but if he doesn't awaken soon, I can't honestly say I hold out much hope for him."

"Are you asking for a second opinion?"

He shook his head. "Go unpack, Neechan. I don't think he's going anywhere anytime soon."

"Does this creature have a name yet?"

"Probably, but we figured we'd let him wake up before we asked him."

At Megumi's raised eyebrow, Nobuo sent his teacher a withering look. "We don't know it. I found him by the edge of town two days ago. He was barely conscious. He's pretty much slept ever since."

"I'm awake now." His voice sounded a bit scratchy and raw even to his own ears.

"I can see that," the doctor said, nodding. His lips were tight; he really didn't think that the young man should be out of bed so soon.

Nobuo, impetuous with youth, voiced the same concern aloud.

"Actually, I needed to…" He looked down and away from Megumi, a slight flush on his cheeks.

"Oh, of course!" Nobuo offered the other man his shoulder. "This way," he said as the offer was politely declined. The young stranger rose shakily and followed Nobuo from the room.

Toshihiro turned back to Megumi. Her brow was furrowed in concentration. "What's wrong?"

"There's something oddly familiar about him… I don't think I've met him before and yet there's something about him that it seems to me I ought to recognize," she said slowly. "I'm sure it's nothing." Shrugging, she carried her bag to her own room.

"That lady is a doctor as well, is she not?" As they made their slow way to the facilities, the stranger tried to ask the question nonchalantly. His voice was on the low end of the tenor register but cracked from disuse as he spoke.

"Yes, that is Takani Megumisensei. She and her brother Toshihirosensei are the world's best doctors," Nobuo said proudly. "It is my great honor to be their part time student."

"Ah, sou." ~So I was right… Of all the places to end up, I had to end up here. There's no help for it, I suppose. There's no way I'll be able to leave before she realizes who I am. I only hope…~ But exactly what it was he hoped, even he could not say.


	2. Chapter 2

**Unmei no Haguruma**

**(Wheel of Fate) **

Part II: Awakening

Half an hour later, Megumi emerged from her room to find Nobuo waiting for her.

"I, umm… I drew a bath for you, Takanisensei," he said shyly.

The smile she bestowed on him was genuine. "A bath sounds lovely. Thank you, Nobuokun," she said. It did not take her long at all to retrieve her bathing kit and retreat to the steaming hot tub.

Perfectly content to let the hot water ease away the tensions of the road, she allowed her mind to wander. Inevitably, her thoughts came back to Tokyo.

~Kenji's gotten so big; I can't believe he'll be in school so soon! And Kaoru looks well… I'm glad. And Yahiko! He wears Kensan's sakabatou so well.

~Kensan looks so silly with his hair short like that…~ She cut the thought off, trying not to dwell on her thoughts of him. She had hoped that in the three years since she'd last seen him, the pain would have lessened; she'd been wrong. His scar had faded further and he looked to be in good health, although he was at the point where he could no longer use Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu at all. His deterioration seemed to have stabilized, however. As long as he kept active but did not overdo, he should live a long and otherwise healthy life.

~But Sanosuke! It's a miracle he didn't get himself killed during his years away, but I never would have imagined Taesan would put up with his nonsense at all. And now they're married! Who would have imagined it?~

The thought saddened her, though she was glad for them. It was not that she had ever nourished any great love for Sanosuke – she still found him more of an irritant than anything else. It was something she had long ago decided was far more selfish.

While she had never much figured herself for the marrying type, she'd always harbored hopes. After all, she would hardly be the first Takani woman to be a doctor and raise a family! Although it no longer seemed as though she were the only hope for the bloodline, given that her brother seemed no closer to settling down than she herself was, the issue bothered her.

The memories she had of her family were the only thing that had kept her going through the darkest times of her life. She had never expected to find her brother living in Aizu; the government had conceded to Takani Toshihiro's request that they keep his existence a secret from her until she arrived. He had told her the story afterward, of course.

She smiled at the memory, slipping beneath the surface of the water up to her hairline for a moment.

_She had been in Aizu for almost a week and was still taken aback by her eldest brother's presence. He had seemed very uncomfortable around her, and she had convinced herself that it was because he knew of her past, of those dark years she had been a maker of opium under the thumb of Takeda Kanryuu. She was coming to believe that he hated her for it, and her insecurity was showing in her work as a physician._

_And then he'd asked her, formally, to dine with him. "Not," he'd said, "as the head of the family, or even as your elder brother, but as a fellow survivor of the war…" He'd seemed so unhappy at the time, but not because of the request. Curiosity had overcome her and she had acquiesced. _

_He had taken her to his favorite restaurant, a place that reminded her of the Akabeko in its friendly atmosphere, and led her to a table close to the kitchen, away from the busy middle of the restaurant. There, he had disclosed his own past._

"_Megumi-neechan, I fear I have had you brought to a place beneath the honor of the Takani name. After the war, after I lost track of our mother, I used my medical skills for less exalted purposes than those of which our father would approve." He had fallen silent, trying to collect his thoughts. _

"_I became the private physician of a wealthy man, which itself was bad enough. After all, the Takani family has always made medicine available to everyone! But that wasn't the worst part… He was a cruel man, and to make it worse yet, he had a drug habit. I didn't make it for him! But I did not prevent him from indulging. It was about a year before you arrived when he died, apparently of an overdose. _

"_He was not a good man, and I did not regret his death. All I knew was his supplier was somewhere near Tokyo, and when they saw I had nothing to do with it, the government let me go, on the condition that I open this clinic."_

_Megumi had stared at him in complete shock for a long moment. "I don't know whether to cry or to laugh… Oniisama, the supplier was a man named Takeda Kanryuu. And the maker of the opium was a doctor named Fubuki Taro… Fubukisensei had an assistant to whom he taught the formula."_

"_How… How do you know all this?" But Toshihiro feared he knew the answer; she could read that in his eyes._

_Megumi nodded. "I was the assistant. And for two years I was making that vile substance as well. It was likely I who made the Spider's Web, the new formula, on which your former employer overdosed."_

_Toshihiro had gone white. "But you… They'll kill you! How can you be so calm!"_

_Megumi smiled without humor. "I have a friend in Tokyo to whom I owe more than my life and my freedom. His name is Himura Kenshin. He was once known as the legendary Hitokiri Battousai. Now he is a wanderer who fights with a reverse-bladed sword in order to avoid ever taking a life again, acting to protect all those within his sight. Only he is no longer wandering. He seems to have settled down and made a home for himself." It was the only time she ever spoke of him so calmly to her brother; for the next five years, she would make only the most casual sporadic references to him. "There were a few incidents that led our paths to cross, and thanks to him, the truth of the situation was revealed and the government withdrew the charges. I had already made a promise that I would spend the rest of my life atoning, not by paying with my own life but by using my skills to heal others in need, to save lives whenever I could."_

_Shaking his head, her older brother could only stare at her. "And I asked them to keep my presence a secret from you because I was afraid that you would feel I had brought us shame."_

_Megumi could not look at him. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, Oniisama. What I did was beyond forgiveness; it is only because the people need my skills that I am here. I will seek somewhere else to stay."_

"_Don't be stupid, neechan. We've both done that which would not honor the family; now we amend that. You're still my kid sister. Nothing is going to change that. It's time to move forward and restore the Takani name. Maybe even spread it around; I think that guy is checking you out."_

Megumi felt her face flush at her brother's remembered comment. Indeed, there had been someone giving her a speculative look, and he wasn't bad looking… The woman with whom he was dining, however, hadn't looked too impressed.

~Yes, it would be good to continue the Takani line,~ she mused, ~but there's no one I've met before or since, and Toshi-niisama is almost as particular. Almost.~

The water had turned tepid, but she decided to take the luxury of time to wash her hair as well. She had not cut it in years and it now cascaded past her knees when she left it down. More often these days she wore it up in a braided coronet, to keep it out of the way while she was working.

Shaking the now-tepid water from her fingers, she loosened the braids from their tight coils and began to undo the braids, letting her hair hang over the edge of the tub. She loved the way it felt, hanging free as it did. She paused to admire the way it waved softly from having been so tightly braided for so long.

She undid the last braid with a little sigh as she rose from the water and began to step out of the tub – and froze, as the door slid open.

Brown eyes met brown, both sets widening in shock.

~Like a goddess,~ the confused thought tumbled through his mind even as a stammered apology tried to make its way past his lips as he stumbled, trying to close the door and pretend he'd never entered, never seen what he'd seen.

Megumi was far too startled to think of anything coherent, unable even to react in the brief moment that the bedraggled stranger had interrupted her peace, but as her thoughts began to coalesce, one thought trumped even the outrage that threatened to rip rather unladlylike words from her throat.

~Such speed! Not even… Not even _he_ moved that quickly, especially when he was acting so awkward…~

She had never been deceived by Kenshin's "awkward" act. Sometimes, she'd thought it was kind of cute, although usually she'd rather wished he wouldn't dumb himself down so. But this young man, completely caught off guard, had been genuinely awkward – but it was all emotional. The only reason he had stumbled in trying to close the door was his poor health. He could hardly stand upright for five minutes alone, but he moved like thought.

~How can he move so fast?~ She stood frozen for a minor eternity, forgetting even to scream; by the time she remembered the moment had passed.

Taking deep breaths to calm herself, she decided that icy rage would suffice later. Instead, she released the last braid with the last slow breath and went to wash her hair.

The image of the woman's body was burned indelibly into the young man's mind. Even as he lost consciousness again, just a foot away from his bed, he burned with fear, shame, and something he did not recognize. It was not simple desire; that was something he understood. Desire was a part of it, but it mixed with the fear and the shame. Though it was five years since the shell around his heart had been cracked, he had distanced himself from situations that might require feelings. No longer able to close them out, they confused and irritated him. Avoidance was no longer an option, he realized just before the darkness claimed him once more.

"Soushisan?"

The voice that reached him through the haze several minutes later was familiar. ~The doctor. Takani Toshihiro. I must have fallen asleep.~ "Yes, doctor?" the young man responded, opening his eyes and struggling to focus on the features of the man sitting at his bedside.

"Soushisan," the man said, ignoring the loose strands of hair that were falling into his eyes, "what happened? I saw you going towards the bath house a few minutes ago, but you never came back, and yet, here you are. You collapsed next to the bed," he added, and there was concern in his voice even as he chastised his patient.

He felt his face warm as the events leading up to his apparent collapse clarified. "The… the bath… Was occupied."

The gamut of expressions that crossed Toshihiro's face were almost too fast to follow. Shock, outrage, followed by amusement, replaced again by outrage, and then disbelief overshadowed them all. "You… You walked in on Takani Megumi in the bath… and survived! How?" Incredulity won out.

"I can move pretty fast," the tattered youth said nonchalantly.

"You'd have to," the doctor agreed dryly. "I really ought to make you suffer for walking in on my sister. It's one of the duties of an older brother. One of the privileges, even," he added with a bit of a smirk. "But I have a feeling," the smirk faded, "that you're suffering enough already. And she's not going to go easy on you herself, of that I'm sure."

"Your sister… Was she ever in Kyoto?"

"It's possible," Toshihiro said, very casually. "Unfortunately, my sister doesn't talk much about what happened during the years we were separated." His smile was guarded. "Why do you ask?"

Soushi shook his head. "I thought I'd seen her once before, when I was there." He spoke as casually as the doctor had.

"Why don't you tell me about it?"

Soushi looked at the doctor; though the man was affecting simple curiosity, he sensed an undercurrent of some deeper emotion he couldn't quite grasp. He shrugged. "There's not much to tell. Nothing really exciting happened; I was just traveling through Kyoto and happened to see a woman who looked like your sister."

"If it wasn't so exciting, why are you smiling?"

~_Kuso._ I am so sick of that reflex… I wish I'd never developed the habit.~ Though he could lie with a straight face under most circumstances, he was oddly nervous. ~_She_ knows I hurt him. _She _is like Yumisan; if Yumisan had not had the heart of the man she loved, she would still go to the ends of the earth and beyond to protect him… or avenge him. So why is it I don't want to get away from her so quickly, when I know she will not hesitate to make me pay for what I did? Then OR now.~ Though five years had passed, he could not blame her for holding a grudge. Assuming of course that she recognized him; he was not certain whether or not he wanted her to know who he was. ~It's like it was before I met Shishiosan. I want nothing more than to hide out under the house until the danger has passed… I'm so weak.~

That thought kicked off a cycle from which he had not been able to free himself for five years. ~The weak are the food for the strong. I'm definitely not strong now! But I know I must have been strong, or Shishiosan would not have kept me at his side. What changed, to leave me scared of a woman? A woman who is a doctor, sworn to heal and save lives! How could that make me anything but weak?~

"What? Smiling?" The man who had given his name as Soushi reached up to cover his lips – an oddly delicate, even feminine gesture. "I, ahh… The time I was in Kyoto was not an easy time for me," he hedged.

"Better to laugh than cry, _ne_? Certainly less messy," the doctor agreed with a shrug. "It's clear that you're not ready to talk about it, so I won't pry. As long as you never bothered my sister."

There was no need to lie. Seta Soujirou met the eyes of the man in front of him without hesitation. "I can promise with all honesty that I never laid a hand on your sister." ~Although I almost killed the man she loved, but not for lack of trying…~ The smile widened slightly, though his eyes showed his troubled state of mind.


	3. Chapter 3

**Unmei no Haguruma**

**(Wheel of Fate) **

Part III: Awareness

She left her hair down to let it finish drying in the brisk breeze that had arisen; she felt a storm in the air. ~Not for a few hours at least. I should prepare dinner; no telling what junk my brother's been eating while I've been away.~ She was surprised to see him in the kitchen when she arrived.

"Toshi-niisama?"

"There you are, neechan. I was wondering what took you so long. I hear you met Soushi," he grinned.

The look Megumi gave her brother would have slain a lesser man. "Is that who walked in on me," she said in an icy tone.

"He walked in and you let him live?"

The ice disappeared instantly in favor of the incredulity she'd felt when he fled. He had simply disappeared, the door closing after he vanished. "Oniisama, that young man… His speed is unbelievable. I've only ever met one man who could move anywhere near that fast. I'd heard stories from him of one who was even faster, but it can't possibly be _him_. And yet, I can't think of who else it could be."

Toshi looked at his sister's troubled expression and his own amusement faded away. "Someone from Kyoto?"

She nodded. "One of the men who fought on the opponent's side." Contrary to what he had told his patient, Megumi had indeed told her brother many of the "adventures" she'd had when in Tokyo; it was the subject of Kenshin himself she'd largely avoided. "I know very little about him except from what Kensan and Sano said. He may be the only one whose skill was equal to Kensan's, but his heart, his spirit… was damaged, somehow. No one told me any more than that," she evaded, "but we heard that he decided to wander for ten years. Apparently," she added with a wry smile, "the two men who had the greatest influence on his life had done just that before finding their paths. So he decided to try to find his own the same way."

"Wandering for ten years as a way to _find_ a path? Seems to me he doesn't need a path, he needs an anchor."

"An anchor?" Megumi echoed, staring at her brother in surprise.

"Hearing problem, neechan?"

"I heard you perfectly well," Megumi drawled. "It's simply… I never thought of it that way. At first, Kensan was a rock in the current, something to cling to so I wouldn't drown. But then he became an anchor, not just for me, but for all of us. He let us float on our own, but kept us together in more ways than one." It was the most she had ever said to her brother about Kenshin directly and he listened in silence.

~She still looks so sad. She must love this guy very much. If I ever meet him, I'll knock him a good one… Even if he didn't _mean _to hurt her, she's still my baby sister.~ "Seems to me this kid could probably do well hanging around that guy."

"Don't call him 'that guy'," Megumi sniped. "Still, you might be right. He needs a home, a family, something or someone to care about him and give him a starting point. All he had was that stupid idea of Shi—of _that_ guy's, about how the weak are the sustenance of the strong. In his defeat, he believed that meant that the philosophy was wrong, but Kensan said that it was wrong not because he won and Setasan lost – the fighter's name was Seta Soujirou – but because physical strength is not the only kind of strength there is. Kensan chose to live a wanderer's life for so many years because he wanted to help where he was needed. He wanted to atone for the murders he had done. Though they had been for a cause he believed in, he did not approve of the method although he could not deny how effective it was… Killing is wrong."

"Megumi?"

The doctors looked at each other; cinnamon eyes meeting cinnamon, one pair filled with concern, the other with tears. "Killing is wrong," she said again as she gave in to them.

Toshi reached for his sister and pulled her into his arms, letting her cry out the pain. It had been the same, he remembered, when she'd returned from her first visit to Tokyo. He could not remember what had set her off then, but he knew that both times, the tears were for her broken heart as much as for her darker past.

"Like him, you had no choice. You could only do what you were told if you wanted to live, to see us again. And we'll find out what happened to Mom and to Hideaki. We will, Meneechan. We'll find them. But even just you and me, we're a family again. I'm not going anywhere, little sister. You are stuck with me." He kept on, murmuring and stroking her hair, and slowly the words took on the cadence of a lullaby he remembered only vaguely.

"You must think me such a little child," she scoffed at herself as she sat up several minutes later, trying to be discreet as she dabbed at her eyes with a corner of her sleeve.

"Just my little sister," Toshihiro smiled. "That help?"

She hesitated only a moment before nodding. They both knew it was the end of that discussion.

"So. An anchor for our Soushisan," he said. "He'll need time to recover; he's in pretty bad shape."

"Not that you'd know it from the way he moves," she snapped.

"He collapsed before he made it back to bed."

He could hear her very pointedly NOT saying anything, and it made Toshi smile.

~They really are two of a kind…~ she did not say. "Fine. He can stay, but he's your problem."

Toshi shrugged. "Fine. That's a – wait a minute! Who's in charge, here?" Feigning outrage, he relaxed further when Megumi smiled in response.

"Who makes dinner?"

Toshi looked around the kitchen. "There's no reason I couldn't."

"Except that the last time you tried cooking you forgot you were making tea for drinking, not medicine, and nearly poisoned us all."

"It only happened once!"

"Once was enough. Now get out of my kitchen," Megumi shooed her brother, who laughed as he returned to the clinic proper.

~One crisis over, and thank the Kami for that. But what next? Do we let this charade continue, that we don't know who he is? Can we be sure he's stopped killing? He didn't have any weapons on him… But from what Megumi's said about the injuries her friends took, and the fact that that guy is the one responsible for what's-his-name's assassination, despite what the press said…~ Toshihiro tried to distract himself from his concerns by reorganizing the clinic's medicine cabinet.

Having rearranged one cabinet twice, then getting annoyed and putting everything in its original place for the third time, he sighed and gave up. The boy was not strong enough yet to pose any danger, and even if he were, his reaction to having walked in on Megumi proved he was more interested in self-preservation than in destruction. "Smart kid."

"What was that?"

"Oh, Nobuokun, I'm sorry. I was thinking aloud." Toshihiro smiled at the boy who had come in during his own absorption in his thoughts.

"Sorry." Nobuo made as if to leave.

"Don't be," the doctor waved. "Actually, I have a question for you. You're the one who found him. What's your impression of our little stray?"

Nobuo stared in surprise at his adored mentor's question. ~MY opinion? He wants MY opinion!~ "Well, um, I… That is…"

"You DO have one, don't you?" the older man teased the younger.

"Actually," Nobuo said more slowly, "I do, a little." He hesitated a moment longer, sorting out his thoughts. "He seems… lost. And I don't mean just that he doesn't seem to have a home, or anything like that. It's like if he had a purpose, something happened to shatter it, and he's trying to find a new way of life." His eyes lit up with understanding, although not happily. "He reminds me of when Miyamotosan's shop burned down, and he lost everything, even his family. And Miyamotosan had nothing left for a long time until that farmer came into town and offered to take him in if he would help on the farm. Only, Soushisan hasn't found his farmer yet."

What Megumi had said, combined with the seemingly simplistic insight provided to him by Nobuo, set something off in Toshihiro's mind. "You're right. It's not an anchor he needs," he said as he rose and made a beeline for the kitchen, leaving a perplexed Nobuo in his wake.

"Neechan!" He found her where he expected her, putting the finishing touches on dinner. "You were half right."

"Only half?"

He waved aside her comment, made with a touch of asperity, as he followed her around the kitchen. "Meneechan, I'm serious. What you said before, about the boy, about Soushi—no, Soujirousan… It was Nobuo who put it in perspective for me. You said he needs an anchor, but… An anchor holds something in place. His problem is he is hanging in between places. He needs a direction so that he can begin moving forward again."

"Time…" The expression on his sister's face frightened Toshihiro. She looked as though all the years of her separation had come crashing in on her at once: afraid and alone… More than any one soul should have to endure. "He's like I was. Like…" ~Kensan.~ She could not make her lips form the name, though it echoed in her heart. Like a bell, it pealed and echoed and rang around in circles. ~Just like Kensan, who for ten years wandered, bereft of everyone that ever mattered to him. Just like me. Like so many of us… Only no one has done for him as Kensan did for the rest of us.~

Only then did the question occur to her. ~Why DIDN'T Kensan help him that way? To all the rest of us, he gave hope, he gave us somewhere to turn. Why did he leave Seta Soujirou with only questions?~ Toshi watched the change in her expressions, as troubled as she, and they did not discuss it again that day.

Nobuo returned to his family for the evening meal, leaving the Takani siblings to eat in preoccupied silence. Soujirou had eaten earlier, with the two other patients currently staying in the clinic. All three had been asleep when Toshihiro checked on them as Megumi laid out supper.

Megumi's thoughts where in a whirl; she had never actually discussed with Kenshin himself what had happened. She had been able to ascertain what had happened much of the physical fight through his wounds and those the others had taken, in addition to tidbits gleaned in conversation. The redhead had remained reticent, however, on the topics of conversation with any of his opponents, and Sanosuke had never been any more forthcoming than to say, "Ask Kenshin." Only once had he discussed anything that had happened in the underground labyrinth. No one else alive had been present for the fight against Seta Soujirou, and so now that the tired young man was a patient in her clinic, she had no idea how to begin.

Takani Toshihiro swallowed the last morsel and sighed contentedly. "Neechan, that was delicious as ever. You're so hired."

She cast him a glance which he interpreted correctly and tossed off with a lazy grin. "Grow a sense of humor, sis." The look grew more dour.

"Yare yare… You really need to relax. What would you say to a full-time assistant?"

"Nobuo isn't ready to be made full time. Besides, isn't he going into the family business?"

"I'm not talking about Nobuo."

Megumi looked thoughtful. "Well, another pair of hands around here couldn't hurt, if they're skilled enough. But there isn't anyone in town with the proper training, and it would be very expensive to have someone relocate."

But her brother was shaking his head. "I'm not talking about that either."

"What other option is there?"

Taking a deep breath, Megumi's older brother studied her a long moment. He'd been thinking about it all afternoon, since his conversation with Nobuo.

"His farmer hasn't come yet," he said in unconscious echo of that conversation. "Meneechan, what if WE are his farmer?"

Megumi looked at her older brother as though he had taken leave of his senses.

"That's right. It was before you came.

"There was a man here, a seller of fabrics, Miyamoto Yoshihiko. He catered to ordinary folk, not selling fancy brocades but good sturdy fabric for the common people to use for everyday needs, clothing and storage and the like. About seven years ago, the store next to Miyamoto's was set aflame. The store next door had been empty, but Miyamoto lost everything. His family lived in the back of the shop; he only survived because he had been making a delivery to one of the farms in the area and did not return until the next morning, when everything was gone.

"He was like a ship with no crew. He just floated through life in shock, somehow surviving from day to day. He would eat when food was in front of him, drink what was given him, and simply existed.

"Almost nine months later, one of the farmers from the outskirts of town came in to sell his produce, and said he needed a new farmhand. Apparently his old lad ran off with the milkmaid, or some such. As it turned out, Miyamoto had no experience on a farm whatsoever, but it meant food, clothing, shelter… a home. He promised the farmer that he wouldn't leave without working and has in fact been there ever since. From everything I've heard, he's one of the best farmhands the farmer's ever seen – and all because he was given something to do with himself."

"Which is a lovely story but I don't see what that has to do with us finding a new assistant."

"What if we were the farmer, this was the farm… And Seta Soujirou is the merchant with nothing left? What if we took Soushisan as our assistant?"

"That's insane!" Megumi burst out without thinking. "Are you mad? He's a killer! He thinks nothing of slitting a few throats before breakfast, all because of that stupid idea that the weak are food for the strong!" 

"And is he anything other than weak right now? Look at him," Toshi pressed. "He can't stand for more than five minutes. From what you've said, with speed like his, he could have done anything from slit your throat to force you, and what did he do?"

Forced to think about it, she had to admit the truth. "He tried to apologize… and ran away."

"He ran away. And tried to apologize. Do you really think he's irredeemably evil, that he would go on a killing spree for the fun of it, after running from you? Now, admittedly, my beloved, darling sister, you can be VERY scary when you're angry," and here he cracked a brief grin, "but you yourself said it. 'He needs a home, a family, something or someone to care about him and give him a starting point.'" He raised an eyebrow, remembering the conversation of that morning. "It was only when Nobuo said pretty much the same thing, except he brought up Miyamotosan, that the idea occurred to me. I've looked at it every way since, and I can't see anything in it that wouldn't bear trying. If we react with fear, he will feed off of that reaction. But if we welcome him, if we show him that he has hope…"

But Megumi hesitated. "If we can do that, why didn't Kensan? Why didn't Kensan invite him back to the dojo to stay while he reevaluated, instead of sending him off on a journey?"

"Did he get sent on the journey? Or did he choose the path for himself?"

"I don't know," she said slowly.

Toshi nodded. "And from what I know of your friend, he shelters those who need it, but he works hard not to hold anyone back, is that right?"

"I… Yes."

"And it isn't as if the boy needed to study swords."

"No," she admitted, almost smiling. "One thing he definitely does not need practice with is swordwork. But Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu is a different style! Why couldn't he have gone to study a new style? Why would Kensan turn him away unless he thought there was no redeeming him?"

"You've got an awful lot of blind faith in this guy," Toshihiro said, looking a little unimpressed.

"It's not blind faith! Kensan saved me! He saved so many of us! Why would he not save someone unless that someone couldn't be saved!"

"Maybe because the best way he knew to save that person was to let him find his own path, a different path than the one first learned? What if," Soujirou added from his position, propped up in the door frame, "Himura Kenshin, who had once been reduced to nothing but a killer himself, saw that that person needed to discover for himself who he really was? Not just the unwanted bastard son of a merchant twisted by fear and loathing, not just the psychotic killer sidekick to a psychotic killer, but a _person_ with thoughts and feelings of his own? Buried deeply, definitely, but thoughts and feelings nonetheless?"

Toshihiro had risen and taken a couple of steps towards his patient, who could not remove his eyes from Megumi. Likewise, her own were glued to him – and in response to his impassioned, imploring expression, she looked completely shocked.

"I know I wasn't supposed to hear your conversation. Forgive my intrusion," Soujirou said with a ghost of a smile, "but I couldn't stop sneezing. I was going to ask for something, but I guess I know why now."

"You may as well come in and sit," Toshi said, offering his arm. "I… _We_ apologize. We should not have been discussing you, but…"

Soujirou shook his head as he accepted the help, followed by the cup of tea the doctor poured for him. "No, it's all right. I guess there's no point pretending anyway. You know who I am. And I know who you are," he said to Megumi, "even if we never formally met."

"I suppose it's been the equivalent of a formal introduction," Toshi said dryly, even as Megumi unconsciously drew the haori she wore over her kimono closer around her. She still looked chagrined; as the shock of his appearance had faded, she was turning his words over in her head.

But it was Soujirou who blushed. "I… Please, again, forgive me," he bowed from his seated position. "I really didn't realize that there was anyone in there, and I didn't mean to intrude."

She hardly heard him. "Toshiniisama, I think… I think you're right," she said at last, emerging from the haze of thought.

Her elder brother recoiled in feigned surprise. "Miracles do happen! My baby sister just admitted I'm right!" He strutted about until Soujirou smiled genuinely and Megumi's eyes bored a hole through his head. "What am I right about?" he said more calmly, although his grin did not disappear.

It was Soujirou to whom she spoke. "Setasan. Have you ever considered a career in medicine?"

_[AN] Yes, I realized the potential for confusion with Toshi(hiro) and Soushi/Soujirou's names. Nobuo was originally known as Satoshi… I changed that somewhere around Chapter 8._

_Oops... Was I supposed to let you know it's gonna go on at least that long? ^n_n^;; [/AN]_


	4. Chapter 4

**Unmei no Haguruma**

**(Wheel of Fate) **

Part IV: Adjustment

Days passed into weeks. They had tacitly agreed from the beginning that his past was no more to be discussed than their own; it was an arrangement Seta Soujirou was happy to accept. At first, Soujirou was largely confined to bed rest and reading. There was quite a lot of reading, and he'd never done much of it before. He knew how, of course, having learned under Shishio's tutelage; it was simply that reading had rarely figured much into his plans.

So he rested, and he studied, and he built up his strength and his knowledge. He moved into a spare room in the living quarters when he was deemed too fit to remain a patient, although he would be some time yet recovering from the neglect he had inflicted upon himself. When he was able, the Takani siblings set him up to do menial tasks at first, increasing the amount of physical labor as his ability allowed. Slowly, the elder Takani took the wandering youth under his wing and allowed him to stand by during medical procedures, holding the lamp, then eventually handing him implements. Though she tried to place her trust in him, Megumi found it more difficult, and if the truth were known, Soujirou didn't make it easier on her. Consciously or not, he tended to avoid her; too often an awkward silence would fall between them. Neither could explain the discomfort. Few knew better than Megumi how enlightening it could be to have someone not care about one's past, but sometimes it seemed to her that he _wanted_ her to remember.

So the weeks passed, becoming months. Late summer waned into autumn, melted into winter. At last the snows began to soften and the air no longer held such a bitter bite. The people of Aizu had become used to "Senmai Soushi" and his quiet, shy ways. He was not yet allowed to treat a patient on his own, although occasionally Toshihiro would consult his opinion and use it as a teaching experience. The youth was a fast learner, and as Toshi had predicted, took to the science of medicine as though he were born to it.

"It's because it gives him something to do with himself," Toshihiro said often, when one or another of his patients asked about his new apprentice – for clearly, Megumi's relationship with him was much more reserved than her brother's. "Something completely different from whatever he did before that made him so unhappy. Maybe he was a laborer who wasn't meant to labor; whatever it was, he's here now, and I for one am glad," he would add.

As spring settled its mantle around the land, routine around the clinic had easily adjusted to accommodate Soujirou. Nobuo came around less frequently, beginning to feel the pressure of his family to follow his father's footsteps.

Megumi had mixed feelings about being relieved of the boy's puppyish presence. She had found his attention flattering, even if he was ten years her junior, and now at twenty-eight she was losing hope. She usually lost herself in the flow of her work, the challenges and the petty problems alike serving as always to distract her from the sadness which increased with the passing months.

Toshi was well aware of it, but he didn't know what to do. Instead of becoming more comfortable around Soushi (he found it hard to think of the young man as Seta Soujirou) as he had, his sister seemed only more irritable and anxious in his presence. Soushi always treated her with an almost servile respect and greeted her with a sunny smile. Toshi had noticed that it only served to make things worse; Megumi remembered too well the story Sanosuke had told only once of Kenshin's nearly fatal fight against the young man who could show no emotions. He kept smiling, accumulating years of pain and anger and fear and even some happiness, until the dam within him had burst in a wrenching display. Kenshin himself had never discussed it with anyone, as far as she knew.

She had never told her brother the details, having avoided the subject by denying any such knowledge. The Takani Clinic was a place where pasts did not matter but were never discussed. It was a frustrating lack, as far as Toshi was concerned, but he endured it patiently. He was as happy to leave his own shame alone, however minor it seemed in light of what his sister and his assistant had done.

The snow had begun to melt before the day the dam burst.

It had been a particularly busy day; the roads were finally clear enough that everyone with relatively minor complaints came to the clinic. Toshi let Soushi handle the simplest cases himself while he did double duty, supervising and tending patients of his own. Megumi took on the more complicated and delicate cases, leaving her brother able to focus on the dual task. The last patient had just left.

Toshihiro entered the living quarters and slumped into his chair with a sigh. He had four chairs which he had imported, the only sign of Western culture in the private areas of the property. They were a luxury he couldn't quite afford, but they were well worth the investment: comfortable enough to sleep in, not overly fancy but tasteful. He had gotten four in anticipation of a very different life. He had envisioned himself as the head of a family with sons and a wife who enjoyed reading as much as he did. As it turned out, two of the chairs had thus far remained vacant.

He found Megumi curled up in the one that had become hers by default, looking as tired as he felt.

"Spring is definitely coming," he said with a sigh.

"Spring…" Megumi echoed thoughtfully. "That's supposed to be a good thing, right?" Toshi laughed weakly, understanding exactly how she felt. "I do love the warmer weather, but…"

"I'm with you on that, Neechan. It means more work for us."

"Which is good, too, in its own way," Megumi added.

Soujirou entered the room, hesitating briefly when he saw Megumi. He smiled and made as though to go to his own room, but Megumi rose abruptly and excused herself, her own expression carefully neutral.

"Please, don't let me interrupt," Soujirou said. His eyes went pleadingly to Toshihiro, though the smile widened.

"There's nothing to interrupt," Megumi said abruptly. "I'm going to go prepare dinner."

"No."

Megumi and Soujirou both looked at the elder Takani in surprise. "No?"

Having risen, he shook his head angrily. "Look. Megumi, I know you've never gotten past what happened, but Soushi's living with us now." He had never gotten used to calling Soujirou by his full name, the name he no longer used anyway. "He's an assistant in our clinic. You don't have to fall in love with him, but you can't keep running away. Can't you just try to be civil around him?"

Soujirou's eyes were panicked as the smile spread wider. "I don't want to be a problem. I'm strong enough to go out on my own, now. I can leave in –"

"No." This time, it was Megumi who spoke, and she too leveled her brother with a piercing look. "I can't believe you, Oniisama. I always thought you were so smart… But I didn't think you could be so stupid!" With that, she turned and left the room, heading for the kitchen.

"What are you talking about?" Toshi started to follow.

"Excuse me," Soujirou said, fighting the smile down. "I think it might be best if we leave Megumisensei alone for a while."

Instead of acquiescing, Toshi turned his anger on his assistant. "What do you know? Is there something she's not telling me? Why is she being so… Stubborn?"

Soujirou shrugged, genuinely at a loss. "I have no idea. But it seems to me that it's something she wants to work out for herself." The panic had turned to worry, and now that she was out of the room, he found it easier to relax his features into natural displays of emotion. "I never wanted to cause any problems…" ~Then or now. I must be weak, to make everyone around me suffer…~

The doctor shook his head. "No, it's not you. Something's been bothering her since she came back from Tokyo. Even before you were here." It did not occur to him that Nobuo had brought Soujirou in before Megumi returned.

Something Yumi had often complained about came to his mind. "Does she have any women friends?" Soujirou asked unexpectedly. Thinking back over the months, he didn't remember Megumi ever going out and being social with any female friends.

"Of course she –" Toshi cut himself off as the realization dawned. "She hasn't been close to any of the women here since she came north…" He thought it over.

Soujirou nodded. "There is someone in Tokyo, and in Kyoto, but those women she met through Himura Kenshin."

"My sister doesn't make many friends on her own, does she," Takani Toshihiro replied sadly. He remembered the vivacious little girl she had been. Their mother had often thrown her hands up in despair, not entirely mockingly, that her youngest child and only daughter was a hopeless cause. Forever asking questions and running to talk to strangers, the little girl absorbed every bit of information about manners and deportment as easily as about medicine. To their father's amusement and chagrin, she had never seemed to take the former to heart. His attempts to assuage Isamu's fears about their daughter never seemed to make any difference; the woman was convinced Megumi would be a hoyden for life.

The woman she had become was so different. She still hungered for information, questioning everything – but the innocent confidence was gone. The brash, friendly manner with which young Megumi had always comported herself had been replaced by this shy, haughty woman who did not let anyone get too close. "Not even me…"

"I'm sorry?" Soujirou asked.

Only then did Toshi realize he'd spoken aloud. "No, I'm sorry. I was thinking." He shook his head, deeply troubled by the realizations he'd just had.

"She's a lot like me," the other replied, not knowing his mentor's thoughts. His deep brown eyes met the doctor's, his smile this time genuine and full of regret. "I didn't have much, but when I lost it all, I spent five years alone and adrift, and… From what I understand, Megumisensei was alone for far longer than that."

"You know her past." It was not a question.

Hesitantly, Soujirou nodded. Once he had made it a point of pride; his ability to gather information had pleased even Shishio's unforgiving nature. Now, however, he had his regrets… He took a deep breath. "My mother was not my father's wife." He spared the doctor many of the details of his painful childhood, glossing over how, driven past endurance, he had killed his own family one stormy night and followed in the path of one of the most powerful men Japan had never known. How he had studied, become a force in his own right, burying his feelings deep beneath the surface, always smiling… How he had collected information for the man he admired and feared. How he had come to fight Kenshin twice, the second time when he was already worn from a battle against another formidable swordsman, and the reason he knew so much of the history of Takani Megumi…

He spoke for a long time, and Toshihiro listened intently. "I have never talked about any of this before," Soujirou said, after a long silence.

Toshihiro nodded. "I can understand that. It's hard, trusting again."

"Again?" Soushi asked. Now his smile bore no humor, but it was deliberate.

The two men fell back into silence, each wrapped in his own thoughts.

Megumi had indeed retreated to the kitchen, but found herself fretting. She would pick up a knife, or an egg, and stare at it for long moments before putting it down, unsure why she had picked it up in the first place. She paced in tight, restless circles, desperately trying to fight for control. ~He's my brother. He's the same as I remember him. Older, of course, but he really hasn't changed from when he was seventeen and I was twelve. The last time I saw him. But he was always so aware of people… Has he lost that touch? Or am I… Have I been hiding so long that I don't know how to be open anymore?~ She gripped the side of the counter, her throat tight. Angry tears slipped out unnoticed; the niggling voice in her head was screaming for attention. It had had enough.

~You know full well you've been hiding too hard! You don't even talk to your brother anymore about the things that matter. The only person you've truly trusted in the last fifteen years is Kenshin!~ the little voice screamed. ~And even he betrayed your trust by loving HER. Not on purpose, and well you know how it hurt him to hurt you, because he's a kind person, but you haven't trusted anyone since! Even your own BROTHER! Remember what Soujirou said, all those months ago, when you asked why Kenshin had left him to his own devices? '_Maybe because the best way he knew to save that person was to let him find his own path, a different path than the one first learned_?' Only in your case, it wasn't the life path, it was the path of the heart… Your brother isn't the only stupid one sometimes, Takani Megumi!~

It was too much. Megumi gave in to the pain, letting out gasping sobs in near silence. The tears flowed freely as she clung to the counter, her entire body shaking violently. Eventually her legs gave beneath her and she cried on, huddled in a heap on the kitchen floor, her kimono in disarray. Years of pain and fear, so firmly denied, vented themselves in a disturbingly silent manner.

Even after the last tear had been wrung from her, she lay where she had fallen, unmoving, unable to motivate herself even to protect her modesty. She did not expect anyone to come find her. Soujirou had always gone out of his way to be accommodating, giving her a wide berth. She had never been sure if it was out of discomfort or respect. She wasn't entirely sure whether she liked it or not, though it did make the status quo easier to maintain. As for her brother, she felt certain that since he had not followed her, he had decided to leave her to fret in peace.

She heard footsteps, shuffling and heavy as though the source was working at being heard – no easy task in the light slippers they all wore around the living quarters. Assuming it would be her brother, she didn't look up. "Go away, Toshi."

The footsteps hesitated. "Ano… Forgive the interruption, Megumisensei, but it's me. Sen-" He hesitated, sighed. ~Half of the problem here is the past we share. No sense hiding from it. She'll never think of me as Soushi until she can accept that I'm not what I was.~ "Seta Soujirou."

"Fine," came the muffled, atonal response. "Go away, Seta Soujirou."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do that," he answered. Some instinct had prompted him to bring her a blanket; he covered her with it and stood his ground.

"Thank you for the blanket," she muttered grudgingly. "Now can you go away?"

He shook his head, then spoke for her benefit. "Nope. Sorry."

"What do you want?"

"Your brother is right."

"_That's _what you want?"

"Well, no. He's right, but he's not completely right."

"What? Wait. No. I don't want to know. But why should you care?"

"Because."

"That's not an answer."

"Well, then, what's the question?"

"Why won't you leave me alone?"

He took a deep breath. "Because I'm not Himura Kenshin."

That grabbed Megumi's attention as nothing else could. She sat up and looked at him. ~At last.~ He returned the favor.

Her crying jag had not done her any kindness; her eyes were puffy and red and the tracks of her tears had left tiny trails of salt as they dissipated. Her hair was a tangled mess and her kimono was rumpled, but shock overrode such concerns.

Soujirou had grown in five years; though he would never be tall, he was a few inches taller than she. The twenty-three year old still had a very youthful face, but his hair was longer; now neatly trimmed, it fell to his shoulders. It had a slight kink where he usually tied it up in a high tail. His bangs were still a bit wild, adding to his boyish look, but his narrow face had matured. Megumi had never seen him before his arrival in Aizu, but had the others encountered him, they would have been impressed at the changes time had wrought. Seta Soujirou was a good-looking young man who had come into his own.

"What are you talking about?" Megumi tried and failed to achieve an air of exasperated superiority.

Now Soujirou looked uncomfortable – and felt far more so. "Megumisensei… Your feelings for him have never exactly been a secret," he said finally. "But he chose to stay in Tokyo with the Kamiya woman. If there's one thing I've taken away from everything that's happened, it's that holding on to your feelings isn't healthy."

The air she had sought before came a little more easily, though she still shook. "_You_ are telling _me_ what's healthy."

He cocked his head, and with a sudden, insouciant grin, said, "Sounds like it, doesn't it?"

Toshi had followed Soujirou, but stopped when he heard their voices. Curiosity and concern warred with discretion and won; he crept closer in order to hear better.

"I cannot believe you," Megumi was saying. "You make no sense! Why won't you just leave me alone? HE would respect my wishes!"

"But like I said, I'm not him. What you need now, Megumisensei, is not to be left alone, but to face what's troubling you. The way he made me face what troubled me." He knelt before her, not moving to touch her as she flinched away from his closeness. "I know it's not easy. If it were easy, it wouldn't have taken me this long to come even as far as I have… and I have a long way to go before I find the answer.

"The weak aren't just sustenance for the strong. I know now that Shishiosan was wrong. But I'm not sure that Himura Kenshin was right, either. If the weak are to be protected, where was my protection? Where was he when I needed him?"

Mistrust shifted to pained understanding in her eyes. "Where was someone when Kanryuu appeared in my life?" Megumi added softly.

Soujirou's own pain showed now in his eyes, but he nodded at Megumi's interjection. "Help came too late for both of us."

But Megumi shook her head. "No, Soujirousan," she said, addressing him by his given name for the first time since his arrival. "Not too late. Just not as soon as we might have hoped."

His eyes widened at her words.

"I had forgotten how to trust until I met him," she said softly. "I had lost everything, and then I lost more. I had nothing and no one to whom I could turn. I knew there was no chance of rescue – who was there who would rescue me?

"And so I made my own escape, and I met him. You know all that," she said, and he nodded. "But do you know that I had already learned to love him, to trust him as I had trusted no one in ten years, in the ten days I stayed at the Kamiya Dojo?"

He nodded again more slowly. "I… suppose I do understand that." There was a twist to his lips that could not honestly be called a smile.

Megumi rose, gathering the blanket around herself. "You may not be him, Soujirousan, but you're not so unlike him as you think."

The young man blinked after her as she swept out of the kitchen, wrapped in dignity as much as the blanket.

Toshi, flabbergasted, entered to see Soujirou looking utterly perplexed.

"What just happened?"

"I'm not entirely sure, Sensei," Soujirou said with a forlorn sigh. "I was about to ask you the same thing."

"I think my little sister just opened up to you."

"You think?"

"It's hard to say," the doctor admitted reluctantly. "She's not the same person she was before the war. She's allowed me glimpses but I don't think she's opened up to anyone in fifteen years."

Soujirou shook his head. "That's not true," he said sadly. "There was one person, but I think he broke what was left of her heart."

But Toshi remembered Megumi's expression as she left the kitchen, apparently unaware of his presence behind a shrub. Hesitantly, he ventured, "Not all of it…"

Soujirou turned a blank countenance on his mentor. He blinked and sought the words to voice his own feelings on the matter. The most succinct, eloquent response he could imagine emerged at once. "Huh?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Unmei no Haguruma**

**(Wheel of Fate) **

Part V: Acknowledgment

A week had passed since the odd confrontation, and Megumi was her old self again, but it was the fragile self who hid behind a façade of cynicism and hauteur and not the loving, open girl that her older brother remembered. It troubled the men in her life greatly. Instead of growing closer with Soujirou, as Toshi had hoped, she seemed even more distant around him, more cautious. She made an effort never to be alone with him.

Her brother noticed. He also noticed how it seemed to trouble Soujirou.

Since coming to the clinic, he had made a great deal of progress in many areas of his life, but he still could not completely shake the forced smile when he was deeply upset. He walked around smiling quite a lot that week, and while the patients assumed he was being upbeat and cheerful, Toshi knew better.

"I've let it go this long, Soushi, but it's time you came clean," he said one night when the two of them were alone. Megumi was out at a childbirth and would not likely be home until the morning; Toshi was confident that he could talk to his protégé without interruption.

Startled, the youth looked up from the surgical implements he was washing. "Come clean?"

"You said you never laid a hand on my sister, back when you first came here. What happened to make things even worse?" The older doctor folded his arms across his chest, looking all of his forty-plus years.

The nervous tic that bothered him so much worsened as Soujirou looked up. "I didn't do anything," he said, so mildly that most others would be fooled.

"She said something, or did something. Ever since you came, you've been half in awe of her. She's not a goddess, she's my little sister. Why are you so scared of her?"

"Scared of Megumisensei?" Soujirou made a soft scoffing noise. "I'm not scared of anyone! Certainly not a wo—a woman…" He paid careful attention to his task, no longer able to look Toshihiro in the eyes.

"That's a lie, and you know it. Ever since you saw her in the bath, you've treated her like some kind of fragile thing on a pedestal. You let her walk all over you, when you're not avoiding her – or letting her avoid you. Are you in love with her?"

The point-blank accusation caught Soujirou by complete surprise. "What? Eh… I… What?" The smile was bright and wide; his eyes were full of panicked confusion. For a brief moment he was eight years old again, standing out on a cold and rainy night, surrounded by his father's legal family…

The moment passed, but not the apprehension. Toshi waited, unfolding his arms and taking a small step back, acutely aware of the effect his body language was having on the other. Reason came back into his eyes, and with it, misery.

"I'm sorry, sensei. I can pack up my things and be gone by the time Megumisensei returns."

Flabbergasted, Toshi stared as the forlorn youth dried the metal tools and laid them in the boiling pot, heated for that purpose. Words came to him at last. "Leaving? Why, by all that's holy?"

"I'm a killer." There was no emotion in Soujirou's face at all as he looked over his shoulder. "I don't belong here."

"You idiot!" Takani Toshihiro threw up his hands in despair. The tiny voice in the back of his mind was impressed; it had always believed that was just a figure of speech. "Running away isn't going to solve anything! Besides, you're hardly the only killer under this roof! We're all responsible for having taken lives!"

"What?"

Sighing, the damage done, Toshihiro started by saying, "You already know my sister's history, obviously… But here's the funny part." He proceeded to outline his own experience with the opium user who had died under his care – dead by the same opium his sister had manufactured. "I may not be in the same fix as my sister, and admittedly, neither one of us could hold a candle to your past…" The men smiled ruefully at one another.

"I didn't think anyone would want to," Soujirou said. He still stood in the doorway but no longer had his back to his mentor. He wore a simple, deep blue kimono; that day he had not worn hakama. Somehow he looked younger and more vulnerable.

Toshi waved a dismissive hand. "Not the point. Look. We've all of us had some taste of hell. My sister more than I, and you more than she, but the fact remains that we all have some darkness in us. Running away from the darkness doesn't change it. Denial is not a solution. If anything, it tends to compound the problem!"

"You've always done everything to make me feel welcome, sensei, but I can't betray your trust like that. It's not who I am anymore."

"Betray my trust?"

Soujirou nodded. "I… I've never loved anyone before. I don't know if that's what it is. But what I feel for you, and for Megumisensei... It's the warmest thing I think I've ever felt for anyone. I like those feelings… Even if they hurt sometimes. But Megumisensei… You were right. She hasn't been able to trust anyone since losing you all to the war. She said as much."

Toshi's hurt showed, and Soujirou flinched away from it. "She didn't say so to me."

Soujirou shook his head. "She doesn't want to hurt anyone any more than she wants to be hurt."

"You're pretty insightful for a kid," Toshi grumbled, in one of his rare references to the nine year age gap between himself and his assistant.

Soujirou shrugged. "Comes from the life I've led. Hell will do that to anyone." Toshi conceded the point. "I mean it, too. I've never loved anyone. I eventually grew to respect Shishiosan, and I even developed an odd sort of friendship with Yumisan, but I never felt for anyone something that deserves the name 'love'. Until I came here, I had begun to believe that I wasn't capable. Everyone loves something. But not me." The deceptive smile was resurfacing on his features. "I never had anything that meant that much to me, nothing I didn't want to lose."

"Until now."

Soujirou nodded. "If I leave now, before it's too late, maybe it'll hurt less." The look in his eyes over the bland smile was pleading.

It turned to something close to despair when Toshi shook his head. "Sorry, kid, but it doesn't work that way. If you really do love it here…"

"You two are the closest thing to a real family I've ever had. Not that there've been that many candidates," he added dryly. "But if this is what happiness is, then yeah, I don't want to lose it, but it seems Megumisensei won't be happy as long as I'm around."

"I don't think that's true. She just finds it hard because of your past, but she certainly doesn't hate you." ~If anything, I'm starting to wonder if maybe she feels quite the opposite…~ "So that brings me back to where we started. What happened last week?"

Soujirou recounted the odd conversation he'd had with Megumi, and her reaction when he'd said those pointed words. "_I'm not Himura Kenshin."_

Toshihiro winced. "That can't have been pretty."

Soujirou shrugged. "Everything she does is beautiful. Even when she's angry, or cold… What?"

"Whoa. That's my kid sister you're talking about," the doctor quipped, only half kidding. "You are in love with her, aren't you."

"And she's in love with Himura Kenshin. You know, when I first learned about him I thought he would be a fun challenge, a good fight. Something to make Shishiosan happy. And then, when we finally crossed swords for the last time… He got to me, turned everything inside out. And I couldn't decide if I liked him or not, but I definitely respected him.

"Suddenly I feel like I hate him a little bit. It's not a feeling I like."

"That, my young friend, is jealousy. You want her to love you, and not him. You wonder what he has that you don't. What she sees in him that she's missing in you."

Soujirou nodded. "Yeah, that's it."

"That's jealousy all right."

Soujirou made a face. "I don't like it."

"That's good."

"It's good?"

Toshi nodded. "Very good. Not liking a feeling means you'll work harder to overcome it. You'll either find a way around it or out of it or past it. Which means either you'll try to get over my sister… Or you'll try to get TO her."

Soujirou shook his head. "But…"

"No buts this time, Soushi. If you love someone, even if you think there's no chance, you have to try to make your feelings known. There is nothing worse than spending the rest of your life wondering what might have been."

"Sounds like it should be a poem or something," Soujirou sighed.

"Maybe, but then again, I'm a doctor, not a poet." The two men smiled at each other, the younger a little uncertain, the older a little tired.

"It's late. Are those done boiling yet?"

Soujirou checked and nodded.

"Take the pot off, bank the fire, and get to bed. We can talk more in the morning."

Neither of them got very much sleep that night, however, wrapped up in troubled thoughts that kept sleep at bay.

Morning came, and the two men went about preparing the clinic for the day's work. Nobuo came in, looking furtive.

"Nobuokun! We haven't seen you around in a while," Toshi said with a warm smile.

The youth nodded. "It's been really hard to get away. My father's been teaching me about the business. It's good to know, and I'm beginning to enjoy it, but I miss coming around here."

"Well, we're glad to see you," the Takani Clinic's senior physician said. He watched Nobuo trying to look around without being obvious, a slow grin spreading across his face. "My sister is probably still at the Ishioka house. It's the daughter's first child; they always take forever." His smile faded.

"The Ishioka baby? Isn't it too soon?" Nobuo looked confused and a little worried.

Toshi nodded. "I'm sure that's why Megumi's taking so long. Premature children are always difficult." He looked sad. The other nodded.

"Maybe someone should go to make sure she doesn't need help? She's been there since early yesterday evening," Soujirou added.

"I've got to get back before my father comes looking for me," Nobuo said. "Besides, I'm not so good with the baby stuff yet."

Toshi smirked briefly at the "baby stuff" phrase. "And I can't really just leave you on your own, Soushi. Do you think you'd be up to it?"

Soujirou fought the nervous smile back. "I… I think so," he said with an uncertain glance at his mentor.

"You'll be fine. Nobuo, would you show him the way to Ishioka's on your way out?" The boy nodded. "Thanks. Now you know where the birth kits are kept, Soushi. Go grab one just in case Megumi needs something and get going."

Soujirou nodded and followed Nobuo out, supplies in hand. Toshi shook his head, his smile fading. He too was concerned; in his experience, premature births were often a little faster than full-term births, since the baby was smaller; it was the complications afterward that would be the issue. ~But if this doesn't bring them together, then my sister is beyond redemption. You can't work with a partner you don't trust, and she'll have no choice… Please, let my sister's heart be saved!~ Takani Toshihiro was not a religious man. He did believe there was something to pray to, whatever it might be, and he prayed fervently at that moment.

Soujirou's intensity was no less, though not so clearly defined. He feared for the child and its mother, he feared for Megumi, and to some extent, he feared for himself as well. Uncertainty as to his fitness for the task at hand plagued him. In truth, he had only assisted at one birth before, and that had been (in Megumi's words) "ridiculously easy". It hadn't seemed so to him, at the time. The screams, the blood, the mess… But it was over quickly and without complications, and the mother and child were both healthy.

From what he knew, the daughter of the Ishioka house had married a young man who was adopted into the family, the Ishiokas having no sons of their own. The daughter had been in several times over the course of her pregnancy for checkups, but they often sent for a physician when the girl fainted or bled. Her husband was no better than her parents, for they all doted on her. Her health was frail and the pregnancy difficult, and Megumi and Toshihiro had both remarked on the risk she was taking bearing the child. It was very likely that one of them might not make it – or both. Soujirou shuddered at the thought.

"We're here," Nobuo said, indicating a large house at the end of the road they walked. "I'd better get back home."

"Thank you for walking with me," Soujirou bowed.

Nobuo bowed in return. "You're welcome. Ano, Senmaisan?"

Startled, the man who was no longer generally known as Seta Soujirou looked back at the youth. "Yes?"

"I… That is, thank you. For helping, I mean. And for… And for watching over Megumisensei." With an awkward expression that might have been a smile in another life, he turned and ran for home, leaving Soujirou blinking in the road.

With another shrug, Soujirou knocked on the door. It was answered a moment later by a frazzled older man, who brightened a bit when he saw the doctor's assistant.

"Please, come in. I am sure Megumisensei will be very glad to see you," he said as he ushered Soujirou inside and led him to the room that had been appropriated for the purposes. "I dare not go in, but you're a doctor."

"Oh, no, I'm not a doctor. I'm just an assistant."

"And your assistance is desperately needed," said the older woman who met him at the doorway to the room. "Megumisensei is amazing, but she's been at this for far too long."

"I'm fine," the doctor snapped. One look at her told Soujirou otherwise. Megumi stood in a corner of the room, holding a tiny bundle close to her body, applying rhythmic pressure to the tiny chest. The young mother looked very pale and still; careful observation indicated that she was breathing though no likely to regain consciousness anytime soon. Given the amount of blood still visible even after the efforts made to clean the patient and her surroundings, Soujirou knew there was cause for concern.

"What are you doing?" Soujirou asked in complete bewilderment.

"A variation on the Silvester Method. The child's heart is weak yet." In her eyes was a look he recognized, and it worried him. She was bordering on obsession, determined beyond reason to keep the tiny child alive.

"Megumisensei…" He would have to tread carefully, he knew, but she cut him off with a furious shake of her head. It dislodged the scarf tying back her hair just a little.

"This child will live," she almost growled at him.

He exchanged a worried glance with the new grandmother. A familiar sensation tugged at his cheeks and he fought it harder than ever. ~This is not the time to let that damned smile win!~ "Megumisensei…" Then an idea struck. "How long can the child breathe on its own?"

"She. She can breathe for a few minutes," she conceded. Her tone turned to something between determined and pleading. "She wants to live, Souji- Soushisan. She's struggling for all she's worth to fight against her body's weakness. To overcome her limitations, and become a stronger person," she said pointedly.

The tiny smile that touched Soujirou's features was genuine. "Direct hit, Megumisensei." He reached out. "Let me take over for a while. You rest."

The gratitude that lit her eyes wrenched at his heart, even as he took the tiny burden from her. But there was something more in that glance, something he could not identify in the brief moment he had before employing the traditional Silvester method to keep the baby breathing. He quickly tried Megumi's odd-looking method and found it to be at least as effective and much less arduous.

"He looks good with a child," the infant's grandmother remarked softly to Megumi, who was stretching. "I'm sure he'd make a wonderful father. When he has completed his medical training, will he be going back to his family, do you know?"

Megumi froze mid-stretch, caught off-guard by the question. "I don't know his plans," she said a little stiffly, straightening up.

"No," Soujirou answered, having decided it was not worth pretending he hadn't heard. "I won't be going anywhere for a while. Not at least until I finish my training, and I think I have a long way to go. At least that's what Toshihirosensei says."

"You seem to be doing very well for someone who's been studying less than a year here," the Ishioka matriarch said.

Soujirou shrugged carefully, maintaining the gentle massaging motions he had seen Megumi attempt on the child. "Thank you," he said without false modesty. "I've always been a fast learner, but it helps that I've had very good teachers." He carefully did not look at Megumi as he spoke, afraid that she might misconstrue his meaning… At eighteen, he had fought Himura Kenshin to a draw. Kenshin, who had been the foremost assassin of the Bakumatsu, and then one of its most renowned fighters. The man once known as the Hitokiri Battousai, who could kill three men in one smooth lightning-stroke of his katana. The man who had won Megumi's heart and trust… and had to betray that trust and break her heart, though it hurt him to do it.

For that, and that alone, Soujirou felt as though he could never forgive Kenshin.

~Not that it's relevant, especially not right now~ he reminded himself as he coaxed air into the premature infant's chest.

When he finally did look at Megumi, he saw her curled up in a corner, already asleep. The scarf had fallen from her hair and now draped haphazardly across her shoulders. Seeing his expression and noting where his gaze had fallen, the older woman left the room and returned a moment later with a blanket, which she draped gently around the doctor's sleeping form.

"She arrived before dinnertime last night," she informed Soujirou quietly. "The labor was long and difficult, and she's been working hard to save them both without a break since. She's barely even had so much as a sip of water." Her concern was evident.

Soujirou sighed. "She does tend to get involved in her work," he said, not aware of the tenderness in his eyes as he looked at Megumi. "Sometimes to the point of obsession. She can't stand to see anyone in pain, or in need of help. She doesn't bear fools lightly! But she cannot turn away someone who needs her… No matter the cost to herself." Suddenly he flushed, and the too-bright smile crept back. "Ah! I'm sorry. I've said too much… Please forgive this foolish mouth of mine!"

But the woman was shaking her head with an indulgent smile of her own. "Not at all. You're not telling me anything we don't all know around here. Although… I do believe I understand now why none of the young women around here seem to have any hope of you," she added with a teasing air, trying to make the young man feel more comfortable.

"I'm sorry?"

"For what are you apologizing, lad? Just be careful," the old woman said wistfully. "As much as we all love Takani Megumi the doctor, Takani Megumi the woman is not easy to get close to."

"Eh? What?" He looked up at her, awkward and embarrassed. He left off massaging, and the child kept breathing on her own. That realization startled him, and he watched her for a moment, this tiny miraculous human life that wasn't even half the length of his arm, until she started sputtering. Her eyes never opened, and he began the odd, rapid bursts of light pressure on her chest again.

It seemed to work, and the baby seemed to be breathing on her own.

"I must be honest. I don't know how long we can keep this up. It could be a few days, or weeks before she can breathe on her own full time," Soujirou said sadly.

"I know. That's what Megumisensei said. But if you could… At least until my daughter wakes up," the old woman said, pride in her pleading voice. "Please… At least give her a chance to hold the child and say goodbye…" Her lower lip trembled, and her eyes were too bright, but she met Soujirou's gaze with determination.

He nodded. "It's the least we can do." He glanced back at Megumi, who seemed to be deeply asleep. "Have you had any rest?"

"Megumisensei made me close my eyes for an hour or two, though I can't say I slept well."

Soujirou nodded. "You should try again. If something happens, I can wake you."

The older woman nodded, reached out to touch the baby's face and stopped short. Soujirou did not, could not miss the raw anguish in the woman's eyes. But she smiled bravely at him and retreated to her futon in the next room.

~That pain… This is why she does it,~ he thought, his eyes returning once again to Megumi's sleeping form. ~She is fighting pain. Himurasan protects the weak; Megumisensei makes them stronger. What is right? What is it about? Shishiosan's way was not right… It can't be. Not the way Megumisensei is fighting so hard to keep this weak little thing alive. I could crush its skull with one hand, with hardly a thought,~ he realized.

That thought would once have seemed an intriguing idea, to do something just because he could, but now the very notion made him ill. ~She's worked herself past exhaustion to heal the sick or wounded so many times. When I walked in she was barely able to see straight from fatigue, but she refused to give up. This tiny baby has no chance. There is no way it can survive on its own yet. It's such a weak little thing. Shishiosan would have killed it on principle. Her. Killed her. This is not a thing, not an it, this is a baby. A human baby. A little girl.~

His own breath was ragged from the force of the emotions that tore through him with those thoughts, but he kept up the changing gentle pressure, keeping life in the helpless little girl. ~Once, he would have had me kill it for him. He must be pretty disgusted with me now…~ His smile bore no hint of humor. ~Good thing I realized how wrong he was… Didn't I? Wasn't he wrong? She's going to die. Why make it worse for her? Why make her suffer any longer?~

Then he looked down at the child, seeing her for the first time as a person, no matter how tiny. Only a few hours old and she was already fighting with all of her strength to keep her tenuous grip on life. Every breath was a labor but the infant, who was not quite as long as his forearm (although she was staying curled up, still cramped no doubt from her tight quarters) made the most of each. She was not crying or fussing, dedicating all her strength to simply staying alive.

~It doesn't matter,~ he realized. ~Nothing matters. All I wanted to do back then was survive, and I knew a lot worse things about the world than this little one… Is that weakness? She is frail, but does that make her weak? "He was wrong," Soujirou whispered unknowingly. His iron control over his hands never wavered, but the chaos in his heart was overwhelming. "I'm sorry, Shishiosan, but you were wrong. And Himurasan… You were wrong too!"

_[AN] CPR was not developed until the late-mid 20th century. The Silvester Method (contrived by one Dr. H. R. Silvester) is often seen especially in older cartoons, usually for comedic effect. It involved two steps: _

"_(a) Induce inspiration.- Kneel at a convenient distance behind the patient's head and grasping his forearms just below the elbows, draw the arms upwards, outwards, and towards you, with a sweeping movement, making the elbows touch the ground. The cavity of the chest is thus enlarged, and air is drawn into the lungs._

_(b) Induce expiration.- Bring the patient's flexed arms slowly forwards, downwards and inwards, press the arms and elbows firmly on the chest on each side of the breast-bone. By this means air is expelled from the lungs."_

_It wasn't very effective but the principal remained. Megumi, having done so for hours on and off, got frustrated and decided to try it "the other way around", by pressing gently on the child's chest, to press air out, believing that air would be drawn in by default. Which is to say, she inadvertently stumbled on something vaguely akin to CPR which worked for a time due to poetic license. _

_Also, I apologize for the dangling participles in people's speech; I know participles oughtn't dangle in public… even if others don't seem to think so. [/AN]_


	6. Chapter 6

**Unmei no Haguruma**

**(Wheel of Fate) **

Part VI: Anguished

Sensing his feelings, the tiny infant made a soft unhappy sound. Though his voice was strained and soft, something in it reached Megumi even in her extreme exhaustion. She woke up with her eyes on Soujirou. Without having heard what it was he said, objectively she noted that the young man's actions never faltered though his face was twisted with anguish.

Immediately, Megumi rose and took the child from Soujirou, resting one hand briefly on his shoulder. "Go on, Soushisan. I'll be okay; the hour was enough."

He looked at her, nodded once, and somehow managed not to run from the house until he was out of its sight, had anyone been watching.

He ran until he collapsed. He had fully recovered physically from the long neglect, but he was emotionally exhausted. The restless night he'd spent certainly didn't help.

Seta Soujirou lay curled in the grass for long moments, tears streaming down his face as sobs wracked his body in eerie silence with only the merest whimper infrequently tearing free from his throat. His shoulder-length hair was tangled and his kimono stained with grass and soil, but he did not notice or care. Only twice before in his life had the depth of his feelings been so overwhelming.

He hated abandoning Megumi, but he knew that the strength of the emotions consuming him made him too unstable to handle the demanding, delicate care that the premature infant required. Though she herself had only had an hour or so worth of rest, he knew Megumi would manage. The child was not meant to live, of that there was no question; but the life she still had in her… the strength of will…

~Himura was closer than Shishiosan… But their truths aren't mine,~ he realized. ~It's not so much that they were wrong – each was right, for himself. Even if the way wasn't right, it was what worked for each of them. For me… It's different. I don't want power the way Shishiosan did. And I'm not a protector like Himurasan. I don't know if I'm a healer like Megumisensei and Toshihirosensei… But I think I want to be. I think that life, that strength, isn't about physical weakness, or political weakness… It's strength of heart. It's believing in something, in wanting something so deeply that you'll do anything you can to make that come true…

~That's what Shishiosan did, after all. And Himurasan is still fighting to protect those who need it, as much as he can. My truth… My truth covers both of theirs. It doesn't justify the wrong… But maybe there is no justifying it. Maybe there is no right and wrong in some overhand way… Maybe it's something that has to come from inside each person, and when you have a lot of people who agree on what's right and wrong, that's what a society is…~

Soujirou blinked, surprised at his own thoughts. "The weak don't need protection, and they're not food for the strong, either," he muttered. ~Weakness, true weakness, is not being willing to fight for what you believe… It's not a matter of whether you have the strength to succeed. It's a matter of having the will. That baby, that little tiny baby can't possibly live, but she's trying so hard. And Megumisensei, she's fighting by her side, giving her all to keep that baby alive just a little longer… And for what?

~The mother is unconscious. But she'll wake up soon, or Megumisensei wouldn't be working so hard to keep the kid going… To give them a chance to say goodbye.~ The tears began flowing again. ~Her family loves her, that tiny little person who they don't even know, they love her so much that they can't bear to let her go without saying hello and goodbye. The sadness in the old lady's eyes… Did anyone feel that way when I was born? Before my mother died, before I was given to the family of the man who was my father, did she cry for me?

~Would anyone cry for me now?~

Immediately his thoughts went back to the look that had been in Megumi's eyes when she took the child from him.

~No. Of course not. That soft look, that has to have been for the baby. She hates me, and she's got every reason to hate me. As far as she knows, I did everything I could to destroy her life and to kill the man she loves… I'm a killer. She'll always think of me first as a killer.~

But there was another voice in his head now, a soft androgynous voice echoing, "_The true answer comes not by fighting, but by living your life, as you atone for your sins_."

Then another echo: "_But if it's not too late, couldn't you make a fresh start now?"_

It was answered by another, the tone more familiar: _"The strong live, the weak die."_

_ "…couldn't you make a fresh start now?"_

_ "I don't care who's right!"_

_"The weak die… The weak die… The weak die…"_

_ "A fresh start… A fresh start… A fresh start…"_

_ "I don't care who's right! I don't care! Who's right?"_

"Who's right?" he sobbed into the wind.

He had not realized he had been crying, and then he hadn't cared. It was all too much. In the past five years, he had observed a lot which he had previously ignored. Suffering. Hope. Despair. Love. Betrayal. Kindness. Trust. Oppression. People supporting another, even against incredible odds.

A baby born too soon, and a doctor fighting the very gods themselves to give her just a little more time so that her mother might say goodbye before she could even say hello…

Himura Kenshin had claimed not to know what he meant when Soujirou had demanded to know why he hadn't been protected, back when he was a child, when he was weak. He had only known Soujirou as a heartless killer… And yet, he had somehow managed to touch the one part of Soujirou's heart that hadn't yet broken beyond repair.

It had annoyed him, at first, having his emotions fighting against him. It had cost him the fight, and at the time, he had known nothing but despair and confusion. He had let down Shishio – but he had given the man one last parting gift: the knowledge of Kenshin's ultimate attack. Maybe Shishio wasn't right, but he had taken the miserable youth in, raised him… Twisted him. ~I am a wreck of a man. It's no wonder Megumisensei hates me. It's not fair! She has so much love in her. That look, when she took the baby back… No one could ever look at me like that. I'm sure no one ever looked at me like that.

~But… she accepted my help. She didn't question my intention. She just handed the kid over.

~Of course she did, stupid. She's so exhausted she'd probably have handed the kid to Shishiosan!~

But he knew that wasn't right. Five years earlier, he'd thought he had his answer, but now he knew better. That wasn't an answer. Kenshin had wandered, and so he had believed that he had needed to wander as well. ~It's not that the wandering didn't change anything. I did learn a lot. I just never put it all together. Now, though… Now, I think I do have my answer.~

He sat up slowly, stiffly. The unexpected exertion would cost him in the morning, he knew. "I'm too young to get so old," he said to the uncaring sky.

He turned his steps back in the direction he had come, heading for the Ishioka family's home. He wasn't sure how much time had passed.

Soujirou knocked, then let himself in; Megumi was hovering anxiously over the young woman who was holding the infant in her arms. The baby seemed to be reaching for her mother, but he could hear the sounds that meant breathing was a struggle for the tiny infant.

Only Megumi acknowledged his presence with the briefest of nods. The young woman's parents and husband clustered close around her, and all five watched, their own lungs silent as they held their breath in dreadful anticipation. The only sound was the young mother's voice murmuring softly, words of encouragement, love, and forgiveness.

"I know, my love, I know it's hard. I love you very much. We all do, and we always will. Go with the kami in peace, my tiny little baby, and watch over us, knowing you are loved and wanted and missed." Her eyes flowed freely, but she was smiling, and the tiny child's struggle for air worsened. Still, her mother kept speaking softly until after the heartwrenching sounds stopped and the little body grew still.

The grandmother turned away, her husband's arms going around her as they clung to one another in unabashed grief. Megumi reached as though to take the child and the mother kissed the tiny forehead one last time before relinquishing her hold.

Soujirou felt an ache that was not yet familiar in his chest, and was surprised to discover that he had any tears left. Megumi's eyes were too bright as she met his gaze, but he knew that she would not cry now. Only later would she allow herself the luxury. For now, she took the little burden and left the room with a nod to the heartbroken young father. The mother's eyes were closing as she slipped back into an exhausted sleep.

Soujirou stayed with her and her parents as the father followed Megumi.

"I know there was no time to prepare… Would you like us to handle the arrangements?" she asked softly.

"Arrangements," the young man echoed softly, a new wave of despair crashing over his features. He had a pleasant, open face, marred now by new loss and the shock of everything that had transpired. "No, not… We have… The shrine, there's a shrine nearby…"

Megumi nodded. "Would you like me to take the child there?"

The man nodded, then shook his head. "I… No. Thank you, but no. We – I will take her. My wife... Keiko will want to come too."

"Keikosan is going to need a lot of rest. She should not be walking for a few days. Your wife is very weak, Mamorusan. And it will be some time before we will know how completely she will recover." He nodded, and she continued. "One of us will come by every day, but if anything happens, send for us immediately. Keikosan is going to sleep a lot for the next couple of days, and she should not move around too much to allow herself time to heal." Megumi gave him a few more basic instructions, then pulled his mother-in-law aside and gave her the same choices, the same information. Only then did she pass the child into its grandfather's arms and motion to Soujirou to follow her.

They walked in silence for several minutes, each lost in thought. They were more than halfway back to the clinic when Soujirou finally spoke. "How do you do it?"

Megumi glanced at him and did not pretend to misunderstand. "I don't."

"What?"

The expression she turned to him was calm, but her eyes gave it the lie. "When we get back to the clinic, I am going to 'go for a walk'. My brother understands what that means. But…" She found herself unable to look at him. "I am a proud woman, Sou—Soushisan. I cannot, I _must not_ cry in front of anyone. It's bad enough you've seen me once. I won't … It won't happen again."

"But… Megumi," Soujirou said. "Megumisensei. Megumi." He stopped, forcing her to stop if she wanted to look at him. "No one can keep it inside forever. Even… Even me."

"Yes," she said as she turned to him with an unreadable expression. "I know." She faced forward again and took another step.

Then her eyes rolled back in her head, and he caught her as she fell. "You're such a drama queen," he muttered as he swept her up into his arms and carried her back to the clinic.

"Meneechan! Soushisan, what happened?" Toshihiro had seen them coming and abandoned his current patient, a bandage half-wrapped around his arm.

"She fainted. Exhaustion," Soujirou said. He quickly summarized the morning's events, leaving out his own extended departure and mentioning only that she had sent him to get something which had taken longer than expected.

"There's more," he finished, "but for now, she needs to rest, and there are other patients."

"There is more," Toshi agreed, looking intently at his protégé's face and disheveled appearance. "I can see that, but yes. We can discuss it tonight. I'll put my sister to bed," he added with a significant look of the protective older brother variety.

Soujirou felt his face flush, which only made his embarrassment and indignation worse; nonetheless he allowed his mentor to take Megumi from his arms and retreated wordlessly to wash his hands once more.

He spoke very little as they worked throughout the day, and twice he made mistakes which he hadn't made since early on in his training. Toshi's concern grew as his sister did not emerge from her room and his student grew more and more out of sorts. Eventually he banished Soujirou off to take inventory of their medicinal supplies, which order was received without protest.

Once evening fell and the last patients were gone, Nobuo returned. On hearing what had happened at the Ishioka's home, he opted not to stay but gave his condolences to the doctors before going to inform his own family.

Megumi still remained sequestered and the two men sat in Toshi's good chairs and simply stared at each other, lost in their own thoughts.

When at last the silence was broken, Toshi's voice was unusually soft and hesitant. "You've changed since this morning, Soushisan. I can see it in your eyes. You look at the world differently, and it isn't only because of the death of an infant."

"That's true," Soujirou said as softly. "I've seen lots of babies die. Even killed a few," and he smiled apologetically – not the old smile, but with genuine regret. "But there was something different about it this time, something that made me realize that what I thought I knew was still off. Life isn't as simple as right and wrong."

Toshi nodded. "No, that's very true. There is no 'right' and 'wrong' in war, taken objectively. The side you're on is pretty much always presented as 'right' and the other guy is 'wrong'. No matter who started or why."

Soujirou nodded. "That's part of it. But I realized something about strength, too." He went on to fill in details of how Megumi had apparently been up, keeping the child breathing all night somehow, until his arrival. How she'd only had an hour of sleep before something woke her just as his own world was shattering, and how she had taken over and sent him off to deal with his own emergency. What he had realized and what he had seen upon his return. "And I realized that you were right about something."

Toshi had been quiet, absorbing everything that Soujirou said without expression. At that remark, however, he tossed his head in a familiar gesture. "Well of course I am!" he teased. "What was it this time?"

"About Megumisensei." Now Soujirou dropped his head, feeling the heat on his cheeks rise.

"So you admit that somewhere in there, you fell in love with my little sister?"

Soujirou's nod was desolate.

"You poor kid." Unable to understand Toshi's tone, Soujirou looked up. The older man's face was sympathetic and sad. "My sister's a real mess. Has been for fifteen years. How can you love her now?"

"How can I not? She's not the only messed up person around here."

Toshi had to smile at that. "Too true. But don't you think you ought to get your own head straightened out before you go and bring someone else into your heart?"

"I think I just did, sensei. I think that's what happened to me today."

Toshihiro looked at Soujirou for a long time. "That's not impossible," he finally conceded. "But my sister needs to get her head on straight. She needs to be able to trust others."

To his surprise, Soujirou shook his head. "Trusting isn't her problem," he said. "She handed the child to me without so much as a second thought, when she wouldn't even give her to one of her grandparents. Then she took three steps and pretty much fell over." Toshi nodded; he'd seen Megumi do just that when she'd worked herself past endurance. "It's herself she's afraid to share… I don't know. The look in her eyes, last week, when I said that…"

"Said what?"

"When I told her that I'm not Himura Kenshin, for a moment I thought she looked at me like I'd hurt her, but angry, too, like she was annoyed that I would say that as if she didn't know."

"Well, I never met that guy, but if I ever do meet that guy, I think I owe him a good kick in the teeth!"

Soujirou was surprised at his mentor's ire.

"Oh, I'm sure he probably didn't do it on purpose, but he DID break my baby sister's heart. No self-respecting brother can let any man get away with that without suffering a few consequences."

Soujirou looked at Toshi for a long moment before bursting into tight, near-hysterical giggles. Toshi, not understanding, started to get really annoyed before Soujirou was able to explain.

"It may not be my place to tell the details, but… You wouldn't be the first brother to carry a grudge against Himura Kenshin for the damage he's done to a woman's heart! Only, you can't hold a candle to the last one who did…" He refused to explain further, saying only that Toshi would have to ask Megumi for information.

That quelled him immediately. "Megumi hasn't told me much about him. She generally avoids speaking of him and I'm not willing to ask what she won't tell me freely," he said. "She may be my little sister, but she's still her own independent, strong-willed person. And she hits really hard," he added ruefully, rubbing his jaw absentmindedly. "Don't ask."

"I wasn't going to," Soujirou replied wryly.

Toshihiro sighed. "I want to say something to you, Soushisan, and I don't want you to take it the wrong way. I am glad you came to us."

Soujirou waited. Nothing else seemed to be forthcoming, so he ventured a cautious, "But?"

"No buts or ands or anything. I know it hasn't been an easy journey for you, in any sense of the word, but I thank the kami that guided you here, and I've got to do something nice for Nobuokun too." He flashed a quick grin. "You're a good kid – no. A good man. Your past is behind you, just like the rest of us. I've got to say that I think you're doing a pretty good job of moving forward, especially when you take into account how much you've accomplished and how far you've come in a few short months, much less a few years.

"And I'm honored that you chose to stay with us. There really was nothing keeping you here once you recovered."

Soujirou shook his head at that. "I still haven't recovered my full speed and strength. I may never. But then, considering that I think I don't ever want to raise a sword again, that's okay."

Now it was Toshi's turn to object. "I applaud the mentality, but it's never a bad plan to keep your hand in. Someone as skilled as you… Well, enemies remember, and while it's not likely you'll ever be discovered, what would you do if you were? Run away again? You can't run away forever."

Soujirou wanted to protest, but he knew the older man was right. "I suppose a little practice now and then wouldn't hurt…"

"There's a dojo not far from here. I'm sure they'll be more than happy to let you practice there. Just be careful or you'll end up a teacher there!"

Soujirou answered with a genuine smile. "That won't happen."

"Never know. Anyway, Soushisan, please excuse this old man. I'm going to check on Megumi and get some rest. Honestly, I'm a bit concerned. She hardly ever sleeps the whole day like this."

"Shall I come with you?"

"No, I'm sure everything's fine."

Soujirou nodded and left for his own room, and Toshi entered Megumi's after a knock.

The futon was neatly folded. There was a note on top of it.

"_Oniisama," _it read. _"Forgive me, but I need to go away for a little. I need to sort some things out. I'll be back in a few days. Don't worry; I'm not going to do anything stupid."_ Megumi had signed it with a little sketch which they'd used as children when they wanted to leave notes or clues for one another without using names. It looked a little wobbly, as though she were out of practice, but it both reassured him and worried him greatly.

"Soushisan," he called out, carrying the note in the direction Soujirou had walked a moment before. "I'm afraid we're going to have to make do without Megumi for a few days."

"What's wrong? Is she all right?"

Toshi held up the note. "I'm sure she will be, but to be honest, right now I'm not so certain."


	7. Chapter 7

**Unmei no Haguruma**

**(Wheel of Fate) **

Part VII: Avoidance

Megumi had woken up shortly after noon and heard the distant sounds of the clinic in its daily routine. Her mind whirled and her heart ached. It was all just too much; she needed to get away. She needed to absorb everything that had happened. Everything that was happening.

Ever since he had made that deceptively simple proclamation, she had been struggling with her own heart.

Seta Soujirou was no longer the killer she knew him to be. He was as conflicted as she had ever been, as caught up in pain and fear and hate, but since he had come to the clinic, she had seen the changes, seen him evolving into a person she almost recognized.

~He is too much like us. Like me. And like…~

Her thought was interrupted by an echo of Soujirou's voice. "_I am not Himura Kenshin_."

~And I don't want you to be! I don't want you to be anyone! Not to me! Why did you come to our clinic? You're just like him. Just like me. You have come to hate what you were… Why can I not hate who you have become?~

But she knew the answer, even as Soujirou's "voice" responded to the thought. ~"_That's easy. I have all the qualities you admire in him, only I'm younger, stronger, and I don't have a thing for anyone else!"~ _The Soujirou in her mind had an impudent grin, she noted, wondering why for all the time he spent smiling, it still so rarely reached his eyes.

~Enough of this! I need to get away from here. But where can I go? Oh, it doesn't matter where I go! I've just got to get away…~ She rose from the futon, packed her travel kit, and wrote a note for her brother.

~That little drawing… I wonder if Toshi-niisama will remember it?~

She propped the note up on the folded futon and picked up her bag. Checking to see that no one was in sight, she slipped out the door and made her way through the streets of Aizu.

The journey was three days by coach; she shared with an older couple and their young grandson. On the first day, the boy stared at her with wide eyes; by the second, he was sleeping on her lap and calling her "oneesan". At first his grandparents were mortified when he began to talk to the stranger, asking her where she was going and why was she so pretty. Megumi had laughed and reassured them. "He reminds me of my nephew," she had said.

Though he wasn't her nephew by blood, Kenji had taken to calling her "Megu-basan" – "Auntie Meg". It both warmed and broke her heart; more than once she had idly toyed with the idea of pushing Kaoru off a cliff before she'd learned that the younger woman was carrying Kenshin's child.

At first the news had devastated her; although she was glad that Kenshin had found his happiness, she wished it could have been with her. It was more important to her, however, that he be happy.

And now she was going back to intrude on that happiness with her own torment. She didn't intend to let them know of her visit, however; her half-formed plan involved appearing on Oguni Genzai's doorstep and begging sanctuary for a few days. ~Sanctuary and sympathy, truthfully. I should have sent a note.~

Not that there had been time. She had sneaked out unannounced, after all; her trip was not planned, and it was only when she found herself at the coach post that she consciously realized she was heading for Tokyo.

It should not have surprised her; all she had ever known was suffering and misery anywhere else. Only in Aizu had she known happiness – and then in Tokyo. Her time in Nagasaki, as a young child, was too hazy to remember well, but all of her happy memories were of her family. Nagasaki was too full of strangers; perhaps in Aizu, she had believed, she could make a new home.

She thought she had been vindicated… And then a ghost from the past had shown up in her clinic.

Her face flushed as she remembered the first time she had personally encountered the man now calling himself Senmai Soushi. There she had stood, clad in nothing more than water droplets when the door to the bath had slid open… Even when Kenshin had walked in on Kaoru, at least he'd had the decency to do so when she was sitting beneath the water!

Megumi's hand reached up to touch her hair; she had taken the time to put it back in its coronet of braids before leaving. She hadn't worn it that way on her last visit; she hoped it would distract the others enough that they might not question her immediately on why she was there. She had no idea what she was going to say when they did, inevitably, ask…

Saying, "I ran away from home because I think Seta Soujirou is in love with me," was definitely out of the question. Especially since she wasn't entirely sure that she didn't feel the same way about him. But how to explain his presence? She'd never mentioned him in her letters for the same reason.

Her own words of months earlier still rang in her own ears: ~_Why would he not save someone unless that someone couldn't be saved!~_

~"_Maybe because the best way he knew to save that person was to let him find his own path, a different path than the one first learned?_"~ Soujirou's reply was burned in as indelibly.

And once again, her own voice told her, _~Only in your case, it wasn't the life path, it was the path of the heart… _Was it meant to be? Is this part of the wheel, is it karma after all? Perhaps there is a reason for everything, but I wish it made more sense!

And then they were at Shinbashi station, arriving in Tokyo… The doctor said her farewells to her traveling companions and set off down a familiar path.

When she arrived at the clinic, it was in chaos. She stopped a child in the waiting room.

"A runaway cart," he said. "My brother was hurt. A lot of people were hurt." He was putting up a rather brave front, but his eyes were bright with worry and his lip trembled.

"We'll do everything we can," she said.

The boy looked at her. He seemed to be around nine or ten, and his eyes narrowed, dredging up a memory from his early childhood. "Hey, aren't you Ogunisensei's assistant, Megumisensei?"

She nodded.

"Hey, everyone! Megumisensei's here!" A small, ragged cheer went up in the room, and Megumi made a face.

"Oh, hush, you're going to give me a swelled head. Save it for after everyone's been tended!" She tossed her head and smiled haughtily, gaining not a few smiles in return as she disappeared inside.

Oguni Genzai took one look at her, nodded, and said, "Everything's in the same place."

She nodded, scrubbed in, and got to work.

"Where's your new assistant?" she asked at one point.

"He took some time off to be with his family. The patriarch is failing."

Some time later, he asked, "Do the others know you're here?"

She shook her head. "And I'd prefer to keep it that way for now."

"They'll find out."

"Not through you," she replied, and the look she gave him caused him to raise his hands and plead mercy for her to trust in his discretion.

Though there were several injuries from the incident, few of them were severe, and it was not long before the two doctors had the situation under control. When they were at last alone, Genzai looked at Megumi and sighed. "Something tells me you didn't come for the pleasure of my company alone. I'm sure if you had, you would have sent notice in advance."

Megumi nodded and continued to wash the surgical implements. "Something came up rather abruptly."

"And you needed sanctuary?" The doctor's brows rose. "Did you fight with your brother?"

Megumi shook her head. "Not precisely. Not recently. Not… That's not it."

"Did someone try to hurt you?" The old man's eyes darkened.

"Not… Not exactly. Not intentionally." Megumi concentrated very diligently on the task at hand, unable to look at her old friend.

"There's a man, isn't there."

Megumi's shoulders slumped slightly.

"Did he turn you down? Only an idiot would turn you down," the doctor began, but Megumi cut him off with a shake of her head.

"It's not like that. It's complicated."

Oguni Genzai shook his head, snickering. "You are involved in something complicated? Who would imagine?"

Now Megumi leveled a glare at him. "That rooster-headed jerk has been rubbing off on you lately."

The doctor sighed. "Megumikun, I can't help you if you won't tell me what's wrong. I can only guess and try to lift your mood."

"A man with a past, on a long journey to find his answers, has come to rest at the Takani Clinic. That's the short version."

"Hmm. A man with a past and a quest for answers? That's not familiar at all," the doctor said dryly. "What's the long version?"

"Would you rather I start with the fact that he once stood at the right hand of Shishio Makoto?"

The doctor lost all sight of any humor in the situation. "What? Megumikun – you have to tell Kenshinsan –"

"No!" Megumi's desperation showed in every line of her body. "No, not yet. There's a lot more than that. He says he's found his answers. That he wants to follow the path of atonement by becoming a healer. He's set aside his sword and his name, and he has worked very hard to overcome his darkness."

"So which is it, Megumikun?"

"Which is what?"

"Has he fallen in love with you? Or you with him?"

She sighed. "I'm not sure. I'm fairly certain he has fallen for me. But then, the very first time we met…"

The color tinting her cheeks was enough; the doctor's lecherous streak made him grin.

"This is gonna be good," he smirked.

"Dirty old man. He was barely able to stand from weakness. He hadn't eaten or slept in days when he came to the clinic, and had been neglecting himself for far longer than that. I guess my brother didn't realize… For his sake, I HOPE he didn't realize! He told Soushisan to take a bath. Only… I was still there."

Now it was the doctor's turn to blush as he eyed his favorite former assistant.

"Stop it, you filthy letch," Megumi half growled.

"Oh, don't hold it against me! Although, maybe you should…"

Moments later, Megumi brushed off her hands and resumed cleaning, leaving a huddled, whimpering heap of doctor opposite her.

He lay there, hamming it up and begging for her mercy until she finished washing up; as she gave no sign of coming to his aid, he sighed and arose.

He went into the back quarters where Megumi was already making tea. "Forgive me, Megumikun. I'll listen now."

So she told him, slowly and with many interruptions, of the events that had been piling up since the last time she'd been in Tokyo. Though it was less than a year, it seemed fuller somehow. She admitted that it was already hard to envision a time when it had only been her and her brother. She admitted her uncertainty as to whether her feelings for Soujirou were mere remnants of those she felt for Kenshin and the similarity of their plights, or whether she had genuinely come to admire and respect him in his own right.

"He thinks Kensan's idea of protecting the weak is misguided!" Her indignation was apparent.

"Who does?" The voice behind her was unexpected; she froze. "Megumidono?"

"Ke… Kensan…" She turned and tried to smile.

"Your hair looks very nice like that. Genzaisensei," he nodded.

"Thank you, Kenshinsan!" The doctor's eyes twinkled mirthfully. "I worked hard to style it this way!"

"Oro?"

Megumi kept her composure, though she wasn't sure how. "You simply must tell me who does your hair," she said to the older doctor, playing it up.

Oguni Genzai affected a manner that was supposed to be maidenly, but exaggerated far beyond the realm of seriousness. "Oh, there's this lovely girl not far from here, she charges a fortune but she is _so_ worth it!"

A smacking sound drew their attention; both doctors turned to see Kenshin with one hand covering his face as he shook his head forlornly. "Yare yare; you two are enough to drive anyone past reason." He looked up, violet eyes boring into Megumi's heart. "This one can tell that there's something going on you don't want to discuss, but if it was enough to drive you out of Aizu, Megumidono…"

Genzai, still in exaggerated-maiden-mode, leaned forward confidentially with a twinkle in his eye. He nodded knowingly and in a stage whisper informed Kenshin, "Megumikun's having _boy trouble_." He looked around furtively as he said so.

It was Megumi's turn to plant her face in her palm. It looked as though she was actually trying to resist the urge to belt him into next week. "Sensei, enough. Kensan's right. I don't want to discuss it."

"Boy trouble de gozaru ka?" Kenshin blurted at the same time. Both his confusion and his concern were clear; both wrenched sharply at her heart.

"Boys are nothing but trouble," she said archly, with a toss of her head which lacked some effect with her hair bound up.

"Not as much as girls," Genzaisensei said petulantly.

"Maa, maa." Kenshin held up his hands, but quickly turned serious. "Megumidono, did someone do something to hurt you?"

She gave him a long, unreadable look, and left the room without a word. The two men exchanged worried glances, but she returned almost immediately.

She was holding a scalpel.

"Here," she said, offering it handle-first to Kenshin. "Cut out my heart."

"Oro!" Kenshin stared at Megumi in shock even as she turned to her mentor.

"You do it, then."

"Megumikun…?" Both men were beginning to believe that she'd quite suddenly lost it completely.

Instead she sighed and left the room again, coming back without the scalpel.

"Megumidono?" Kenshin asked again.

"It's so easy for a man to break a woman's heart, but give him a chance to do so knowingly... I left Tokyo with an ache in my heart." She shook her head and held up a hand, cutting off Kenshin's response. "I went back to Aizu, the only home I could remember, in the hopes of healing the old ache. I found my brother, and it's been wonderful. But when I returned last year from my visit here…"

Genzai asked, "Are you sure?"

"You said it earlier. They'd find out sooner or later," she said resignedly.

Genzai smiled a little uncertainly but did not persist. "I'll just go mix some headache powder," he said and withdrew. Even though he knew why Megumi had asked, he sensed that this conversation was best held between them.

Megumi and Kenshin stood in silence, he looking concerned, she looking away. "Kensan… Your fight against Seta Soujirou. You never discussed it, but I know he did a lot of damage to you. Sano told me some of it. I need to know what happened."

Kenshin stared at her, his eyes darkening. "Megumidono, this one does not think –"

"Kensan, please. I don't care. It… It's relevant."

"Soujirou is in Aizu, then?"

"You are still bad for the heart," she muttered after her initial shock.

Kenshin studied his friend for a long moment. She regarded him in return, as coolly distant as she had ever been, until he sighed. "You would not be alive if he did not intend for you to remain that way."

"I'm not talking until you do." She made a face at him.

"This seems so familiar, somehow," he muttered, momentarily disgruntled.

"Doesn't it, though. Well, except for your hair, and Kaoruchan trying to sneak around outside so as to listen in…" She grinned wickedly.

"Megumidono…"

"I'm sorry, Kensan. Please do go on." The fox ears disappeared as she offered him tea and poured for both of them, leading him to sit.

"This one had already taken some injuries in fighting Aoshi when we came upon Soujirou. Aoshi had honed his fighting skills immensely in the weeks between…" He faltered, realizing that Megumi was quite aware how much Aoshi's skills had been improved and in how short a time. "Anyway, that conflict was not expected at that time, but this one was not too badly injured." He ignored the soft scoffing noise she made. "This one had already come up against Seta Soujirou on the way to Kyoto. That battle was fought to a draw, only because both swords were destroyed."

Megumi nodded; everything that Kenshin had said so far, she'd already known.

"But in Shishio's lair, there was something different. Not at first; the boy was as emotionally blank as he had been at the first encounter. But…" He outlined the conversation they'd had, the way the fight had intensified although he had been unable to sense the other's position – until he began to lose the pure control over his emotions that ten years under Shishio's encouragement had reinforced. Ten years of repression faltered, cracked, and then shattered spectacularly.

From then, the win had been almost easy. Physically drained and emotionally exhausted, the boy's willpower had been all that kept him going; added to his ferocious skill, it was almost enough to defeat Kenshin, especially in his weakened condition.

"And then what happened to him? Before Chou told us that he decided to wander."

Kenshin bowed his head. "It is believed that he gave the secret of this one's ougi to Shishio. No one else in that room could have done so; Yumidono was the means of communication, but she never would have seen it. This one did not see that young man again, but it is certain that neither did Shishio."

Megumi nodded. "That guy did Soushisan irreparable damage. However, that guy DID also save his life as a child and raised him… Even if it wasn't a very good job in a lot of ways."

"Oro? `Soushisan?'"

"You guessed correctly, Kensan. Seta Soujirou is now going by the name Senmai Soushi, and is living as a physician in training at the Takani Clinic."

"For how long?" Kenshin said, more to allow the idea to sink in.

"Since the time I came back; when I returned from Tokyo last year, he had appeared in town, all but dead… Nobuokun took him to my brother and he hasn't left since." Kenshin already knew about the part-time volunteer helper.

"What happened to make you leave so suddenly?"

"Kensan, please don't."

"Don't?"

"Don't pretend you care so much that you'd run to Aizu to defend my honor."

"Megumidono… Please don't…" He couldn't really think of a reply that would not hurt her more; she had clearly not been trying for sarcasm. Her hurt was real; her heart too close to the surface for her usual pretenses. "This one is—"

"Don't, Kensan. Don't say you're sorry. I don't want to hear that. Your happiness is the thing that matters. You have a wife, a son, a home… That's all you ever really wanted, isn't it? Don't pretend that you're not a simple man at heart." Her smile was twisted and raw. "I know you would do that, because it's who you are; you'd do the same for anyone. No, Soushi, Soujirou… That man hasn't _done _anything to me."

"Said something, then?" Kenshin decided to let her discussion of his own character go.

"Not precisely. It's… Well, he's the one who feels that your dedication to protecting the weak is foolish."

"Oro?" Now he felt a flash of irritation along with the confusion; that had not been his intention when he'd suggested that the younger man seek his own answers.

Megumi nodded. "Actually, I rather find myself agreeing with him. He has come to the belief that weakness is… How did he put it? 'Weakness, true weakness, is not being willing to fight for what you believe.' He says that weakness is saying, 'I can't,' without ever trying. And he believes that his path is not to defeat the weak, as Shishio chose, or to protect them, as you did, but to heal them, to teach them how to become strong in themselves. And who better to do that than a doctor?"

Kenshin's jaw very nearly dropped. His eyes were wide with surprise as he stared at Megumi. "He came to such a conclusion in only five years…? This one is feeling rather daunted," he admitted. "He could easily outfight this one, as things are now, but..." He was both impressed and disgruntled. Was it fair, really?

And then a realization dawned. ~If he's come around the same path as I did, and as she did, then Megumidono… She might see him in a very similar light. Is that why she fled home?~

"I would hardly say he outshines you, Kensan," Megumi said with a bit of her old verve. "He may be younger, stronger, and more secure in his new-found truth, but he's not you." The words were out of her mouth before she realized what she was saying, and when she did, she froze.

~_"I am not Himura Kenshin."~_

Kenshin wondered why she suddenly looked ready to cry.

"He's not like you at all. For all our paths are parallel… But… Tell me, Kensan… Why did you not take him under your wing as you did the rest of us?" She ignored the echo in her mind. ~"_Maybe because the best way he knew to save that person was to let him find his own path, a different path than the one first learned?_"~

The redhead thought for a moment. "This one felt that he could do little good. Soujirou had formed himself on the opinions of others; the only way to find his own answers was for him to seek them himself. Being taught this one's path would have brought him no further, and this one has too many sins needing atonement to share the burden with another."

Megumi's slight intake of breath was her only reaction; Kenshin heard and realized how what he had said might be interpreted. He started once more to apologize, but she quelled him with a look.

"I said, stop it. I know that you aren't trying to hurt me, Kensan. Let it go." He looked at her, reading how serious she was, how hard she was working to get past the feelings for him she never wanted and couldn't handle. But there was something else, and her next words confirmed that. "It's not even that. It's… What Soushisan said, when he heard me ask that question the first time…" She repeated his words.

Kenshin smiled slightly and sighed. "Heh. It appears this one did reach him after all, but to have made such an impression…"

"Kensan, he studied you for a long time, on Shishio's behalf. He studied all of us."

"That's true." Noting how troubled she looked at the idea, he tried to reassure her but she shook her head again.

"Kensan, he knows my past. He knows everything about me. But I… I know nothing about him, except what I've gleaned over the last few months, and now what you told me."

He could understand her troubled mind; knowing that you harbored someone when all you knew about them was their past… But then he looked at her again, and Kenshin smiled. "Megumidono."

"Kensan…? You look odd, are you feeling all right?"

"This one is fine, thank you. Megumidono, when you first encountered this one, you knew nothing of the past, correct?"

"Well, yes, but –"

"Then why should it matter now? Isn't it possible that he took to heart what was said to him, about making a fresh start – just as this one did?"

"But, Kensan, you –"

This time, he cut her off. "No, Megumidono, there really isn't much difference. This one's past was no different from his. Growing up without a family to speak of, taken in by a powerful man when young, given no other course in life… Spending years shedding blood for a cause that may or may not have been all one expected…" At this, his smile twisted, losing its warmth for a moment. "What he needs, you and your brother have almost given him. There is just one thing now that this one has found."

"But Kensan, I can't!"

"Oro?"

"I can't love him. Even if I could, why would he love a woman like me?"

Kenshin blinked, his cheeks flushing. This was all too familiar a conversation; all too clearly he remembered hearing Kaoru addressing him in the first person with that question. Right after he had finally worked up the courage to ask her to allow him to live there forever as her husband. And unless he was mistaken, those words were womanspeak for "I am totally in love with him but I don't feel I deserve his love, so I'm so deep in denial I can't even see the outside anymore."

In truth, he was only partially mistaken; in this particular instance, he was not at all. It was clear even to him: the only person who didn't seem to realize that Megumi's heart had opened to Soujirou was Megumi herself.

Of course, it was entirely possible that he was just as oblivious; Seta Soujirou might not love her, Kenshin reasoned, or might not know he did. After all, had he not already been drawn to Kaoru himself, it was not impossible that he might have come to love Megumi. When she had come into the picture, however, her aggressively flirtatious manner did little more than scare the hell out of him. In a good way, mostly, but she was right. At heart he was a quiet farmer's son.

This new, fragile, confused Megumi was far more likely to win a man's heart than the haughty, flirtatious woman he'd first met. She was bringing out his protective instincts.

"Megumidono, would you like us to come visit you in Aizu?" The offer was presented in all innocence, but Megumi gave him an incredulous look.

"I am not falling for that, Kensan. My brother is sufficient family to review any marital prospects. I don't need _you_ trying to marry me off too."

Kenshin flinched at her words. ~I really seem to be putting my foot in my mouth around her these days,~ he thought sadly. ~It almost makes the 'old days' something to be missed. Almost.~

Nonetheless, he tried. "That's not it, Megumidono."

"Going to run him off, then?"

"If he is upsetting you so much as to cause you to run away unannounced, then yes." He said it simply and without any particular inflection, but she knew him well enough to understand that, though he would not kill, there was plenty that he and their friends would do to make life a living hell for someone who had hurt one of their own.

"Did you ever doubt that, Megumikun?" Genzai stopped eavesdropping – they'd both known he was there – and entered the room.

She gave them both a hurt look. "I had hoped at least you two would understand," she said, her voice thick.

Himura Kenshin and Oguni Genzai shared a look. "I'm afraid the problem is we do," the doctor said. "Kenshinsan, why don't you go tell Kaoruchan and the others I'll be a little late for dinner, and I'll talk to Megumikun for a while."

The redhead nodded, plastered his old favorite Patented Fake Rurouni Smile on his face, and left. Two doctors turned to face one another.

"Megumikun… What Kenshinsan wants is for you to be happy. It's what we all want for you. But none of us can tell you whom you love. That's something you have to decide for yourself."

"I don't want to."

"You don't want to decide?"

"I don't want to love anyone." In her mind, she finished the sentence with, ~but Kensan.~

Oguni Genzai looked at her, not without compassion but in all seriousness. "Megumikun… Loving Kenshinsan is not fair to anyone. To him, to Kaoruchan, and least of all to yourself. Don't you think it's time to move on?"

She wanted to cry out in protest, but she could only look at him in imploring silence.


	8. Chapter 8

**Unmei no Haguruma**

**(Wheel of Fate) **

Part VIII: Admission

Takani Megumi was never good at admitting when she was wr—... she was wro—... when she was not right about something. She knew it was true; her mentor's words hit the part of her which knew better.

~They're wrong,~ she thought to herself after the doctor had left her alone in his clinic at her insistence.

She had not responded to him for a long time; she had asked that he go on to dinner and she would fend for herself. She'd reinforced her insistence that the others not find out she was there. "Bad enough you two know; bringing anyone else in would only complicate it further!" The doctor had agreed, reluctantly, and Megumi had wandered into the streets, finding herself at a small, anonymous noodle shop. She stared into her udon and sighed.

~It's the truth. I've known it for a long time... I'm not in love with Kensan, not anymore. I'm in love with what he represented to me. Freedom. Forgiveness. Dependability. Strength and persistence even in the face of impossibility. I fell for him when he found me, even when I had lost myself. He gave me what I needed at the time, and what I wanted most: hope. But he loves another, and I don't need him anymore. Not Kensan himself, the Kensan who never really needed _me_. There is a part of me that will always love him, but first and foremost, he is a friend. A valued, wonderful friend.

~But Soushi… Soujirou… By any other name, he needs _me_. As soon as he laid eyes on me, he needed me, and not just because I happened to be in the bath at the time…~ Her face flushed again at the memory and she lowered her head over her bowl, hoping that the steam would be an excuse should anyone witness her heightened color. ~He knew who I was, what I had done… For him, I became what Kensan had originally been to me. I was the embodiment of hope. And quite a nice one, at that,~ she allowed herself the indulgence.

~But it's no more than the simple truth,~ her thoughts continued once her amusement faded. ~The road I walk now is essentially the same road Kensan walked, but Kensan is a man. And so is Soushisan. Soujirou. Soushi. He's like Kensan, and like me, in the road we walk, but his path is not Kensan's. His path has come closer to mine now. He's younger than me, which feels strange to me, considering being with a younger man, but he's a _good_ man. And good looking, too. But does he need me like I needed Kensan, or does he need me because of myself? What will happen when the first flush fades, as it did for me?~

Children ran by, shrieking and laughing as they played. Megumi watched them for a moment, smiling quietly over her bowl as she ate slowly. One of the boys was brandishing a stick and pushing a girl, probably his little sister by the look of them, behind him. Another boy waved a stick of his own in what might have been a threatening manner had they not all been laughing so freely.

"Don't worry, Marichan! I'll protect you!" the first boy cried gallantly.

"Oh, help, save me from the Evil Daimyou!" she cried in a high voice, clearly trying to sound demure and ladylike.

"Ha ha! There is no escaping my evil clutches!"

"You'll never get away with this!" the first boy cried.

"Oh yeah? Just watch me!

"No, no, no! You're not supposed to say that! You're supposed to say, 'Yes I will, for I am the Evil Daimyou and no man can defeat me!'" It was Mari who protested. "That's when I take out MY sword and beat you!"

"You can't beat the Evil Daimyou!" the second boy cried. "You're a girl!"

As Mari protested, "Can too!" and the children ran on, Megumi nearly choked on her own laughter. ~They remind me of us as kids,~ she thought. ~I wonder where Hide is… He was so eager to join the Byakkotai, but our parents insisted he work as a medic. He disappeared just before Father was killed…~ The thought saddened her again.

~I shouldn't have come. Toshiniisama will be worried.~ Even though she had left a note, she was not really the impulsive sort of person to up and run unless something was seriously wrong. Forced to admit it to herself, she knew that the only thing wrong _was_ herself.

Returning her bowl to the proprietor, she paid for her meal and took to the streets of Tokyo, finding herself on a very familiar road. The sakura were in full bloom and the sun was setting; she paused to watch it, watching the reflecting light in the water flowing beside the road, watching the pale pink blooms change hues as dusk neared. The air was full of the scent of the blooms and the earthy, moist aroma of spring. As she watched, a single petal separated itself from its siblings and fluttered down to land on the water, not disturbing the reflection as it appeared to land over her heart. ~It's time.~

She turned her footsteps back to the clinic, at first reluctant but with growing determination. There was no sign of anyone, so she slipped through the darkened building to Genzaisensei's office, wrote a note to her mentor, and paused, still holding her brush.

Taking a second scrap of paper, she wrote one more, very brief note, added a postscript on the original to the doctor, addressed them both, and placed them where he would find them upon his return.

"_There is still time for me to catch the late night post back north, and so I apologize for the abrupt departure. Sensei, I am honored to have met you and I thank you for everything. I will write again soon._

"_Please make sure Kensan gets the other note, without the others finding out. I know he will understand. And please, PLEASE do not tell the others that I was here this time. The last thing I want is to worry everyone else; they never take it as calmly as you do. _

"_Don't forget to hire a second assistant – you can afford it now that Sanosuke has returned and pays for his treatments."_

The second note, addressed to Himura Kenshin, contained only one sentence: _"Thank you, and sayonara."_

She knew he would understand.

~One thing Kensan has always been good at is understanding... Eventually.~ Megumi smiled to herself, with only a trace of irony.

She cleaned the brushes, straightened up after herself, and hurried off.

She was almost too late; the coachman saw her rushing up and waited, recognizing her from earlier in the day.

"Everything all right, miss?"

"Yes, thank you. My business was completed far sooner than I expected, and I am anxious to return home."

The coachman nodded with an understanding smile. "Got three kids m'self. Home is a wonderful place to be, isn't it?"

Megumi's answering smile was heartfelt. "It is indeed."

They made equally good time on the return trip, and this time there were no other passengers to distract Megumi from her daydreams. Occasionally she would chat with the coachman, sitting up with him on the bench to enjoy the passing scenery and good weather.

Sometimes they would sit in companionable silence, lost in their own thoughts as the carriage passed over the roads. On the last leg of the trip, however, she sat in the coach as was proper.

Megumi's heart was lighter on the whole; she was not freed from her burdens, but Genzai's words of that afternoon had forced her to admit to herself what she had not wanted to face for years. Oddly, she felt freer for having done so.

There was no question that, to an extent, she would always love Kenshin, but the love she felt for him now – had felt for him for years – was not the same. After the first flush of burgeoning romantic love had reluctantly succumbed to the cold stare of reality, she had continued to love the man as a friend, and as an ideal. ~Not, of course, that Kensan is perfect. No one is perfect. And he is all too human. I… I do not think, knowing what I know about him, that I would be strong enough to love him the way Kaoruchan does. My Kensan, the man I loved, is a very different man than the one I spoke to today.

~My Kensan is as immortal as his friends once believed him to be.~ She smiled sadly at the thought, inside the coach. ~Perhaps that's part of Soushisan's attraction for me. He's younger, so naturally he's going to be stronger and live longer." She rolled her eyes at herself. ~Heart, you can be very stupid sometimes. But you always did know that that man was no good for you, didn't you...~

"Sensei?" Slowly she realized that the carriage had come to a stop, and that the coachman was trying to get her attention. "Sensei, we've arrived."

He helped her down from the coach and handed her light satchel over. "Are you sure you'll be all right?"

She nodded her thanks. "The clinic is not far and –"

"Megumisensei! Megumisensei, you're back!" Nobuo's voice cracked on the repetition of her name, and his blush deepened. His enthusiasm was no less, however, and he rushed up to retrieve her luggage.

"And as you can see," Megumi added dryly to the coachman, "I shall not be unescorted." The older man laughed and bowed; Nobuo could barely quell his excitement though he tried hard to act as dignified as a mature seventeen year old ought.

"Your brother and Soushisan will be very pleased to see you," he said with a bit more restraint, though he still quivered around the edges. "As are we all."

She smiled and shook her head at her young friend. "Don't tell me you were staking out the post every day."

Nobuo tried to look innocent. "Okay, I won't."

She laughed lightly, and he thrilled to look at her. "Is… Megumisensei, is everything all right? You left so suddenly…"

"Yes. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry everyone. Something came up suddenly that required my immediate attention. Everything is all right now." She let him see her face, and he was reassured by what he saw. The strain that had been increasing around her eyes and mouth for the last several months was still in evidence, but noticeably less than it had been a week before when she'd left.

"I'm glad," he said. "That everything's okay, I mean. And that you're back, too. We all are." Feeling more and more foolish, he shut up, annoyed with himself for suddenly being so awkward around her, but as they walked, he studied her as obliquely as he could.

There was something different about her, something that was somehow resigned and dignified but almost content… He couldn't quite put his finger on it.

She was aware of his focus, and finally relieved his confusion. "I've made peace with myself about something, Nobuokun. There was something about myself that I could not face, but I have faced it, and now I can move on."

"Move on?"

"Don't worry, Nobuokun. I'm not leaving Aizu. Except for the occasional visit," she added with a smile.

"Ahh.. Sure," he said uncertainly.

She decided not to say anything more as they rounded the corner and arrived at the clinic. It was not late enough for her to have missed the last patients of the day, but her brother assured her (after an enthusiastic if brief embrace of welcome) that everything was under control.

"Go get settled, and we'll talk over dinner."

"The dinner I'm making, I assume?"

"Oh, my darling, wonderful, best sister in the world!"

She mock-glared at him and pretended to storm into the living area. Toshi's shoulders slumped in relief as he murmured a brief prayer of thanks.

It wasn't long before the three men convened in what Toshi had taken to calling "the sitting room", although Nobuo fretted between returning to his familial obligations and finding out what had happened with his beloved female idol.

"Go on home, Nobuokun," Toshi chided. "You know you'll find out whatever she'll permit you to know very soon anyway. It's a good day to spend time with one's family."

"That's true." Nobuo bid the others a good night and nearly bumped into Megumi on her way in. Stammering apologies, he fled the clinic as fast as he was able.

"What happened to him?" she wondered as she entered.

"He wanted to get home to his family," Toshihiro replied blithely.

Megumi shrugged and set out places for the three of them; bringing the last setting back to the kitchen, she returned with a simple meal. "I go away for a week and you two fall apart. There was almost nothing in the larder!"

Soushi and Toshi exchanged an uncomfortable glance. "Well, it's been busy around here," Toshi tried.

Megumi did not look impressed. "I'll go shopping tomorrow. Honestly, I've never seen two grown men so completely incapable of taking care of themselves. Only the tori-atama was ever any worse, and even he's improved!"

"Now that's not fair!" Toshi leapt to defend himself. Megumi looked at her brother and giggled.

Soujirou exchanged another glance with him. Their expressions clearly echoed the same question. ~Megumi Giggled?~

"Okay, Baby Sister," Takani Toshihiro said, dropping his Indignant Brother act for the Annoyed Older Brother performance he didn't pull out too often. "Spill it. Where'd you go and what happened?"

The Annoyed Older Brother bit ALWAYS worked. Without fail, he had always been able to pull his sister (and, long ago, their brother) in line with it.

Now, Megumi merely looked at him calmly and said, "Finish your dinner first." His jaw dropped. "That's a good first step. Now put something in your mouth and chew, before something other than your foot flies in."

Soujirou tried not to snicker, but couldn't stop himself. A snort of laughter at Toshi's shocked indignation escaped, and then another, and soon he was laughing wholeheartedly.

It was a long moment before he realized that the Takani siblings were staring at him.

"What? Is there something on my face?" he asked in genuine bewilderment.

"Soushisan, I don't think we've ever seen you really laugh before," Toshi said in something like amazement.

At first he stared at his young mentor, but then as he thought about his life over the past months and the past years, he realized something.

"I think… This is the first time I've really laughed in years."

Megumi nodded. "You've laughed before, but it's always seemed a little forced. It never quite reached your eyes."

"And it's not that smile you hate so much, or nervous laughter," Toshi added gently. He did not say that he had noticed how very tense Soushi had been for the past week, or how the tension had dissolved almost as soon as he had seen Megumi.

That hated nervous smile was on his face again, but there was something different about it. It seemed less desperate and more genuinely embarrassed than usual. "Well, I guess… heh. That is…"

"It's okay to laugh, Soushisan. It's okay to cry, or to laugh. It's okay to feel."

"I know that now. I owe you both more than I can ever repay."

"Stop it, Soushisan. You don't owe us anything." Toshi, sensing his part of the conversation was done, withdrew quietly, removing the now-empty plates. Megumi didn't seem to notice, although Soujirou did.

She continued, "If anything, I suppose…" She looked uncomfortable for a moment. "I suppose it's I who owes you something." Suddenly afraid of her own feelings, she retreated into old habits. "Although I certainly don't feel compelled to pay off that debt, anytime soon!" she said with a toss of her head.

The young man she faced apparently felt no such strain. His eyes were intent on her face as he spoke with a soft voice. "I don't mind giving you forever," Soujirou said, taking a single step towards her.

"Good, because you'll probably wait that long!" She gave him a haughty glance, but her eyes faltered, her lip trembled slightly.

"If that's what it takes," he said with a casual shrug and a bland smile, stepping back. But his eyes too faltered, with pain instead of confusion.

"It... It may be longer." she added a little uncertainly.

"I hope not," he said suddenly. "Because really, Megumi, I don't want to wait at all." He took a step towards her, and another, until he was within reach.

She started slightly at the way he said her name: no honorifics, no hesitation. The way the sound of it lingered on her ears warmed her face. "Then maybe… Maybe it won't be quite that long," she said softly, reaching tentatively for the hand he offered her.

_[AN] It is sheer coincidence that I post this final chapter at the close of 2011, but I think it a sweet way to send off the old year. A bit WAFFy there at the end, perhaps, but these two who have suffered so much hurt, whose hearts are so badly scarred, probably feel a need for that. I doubt things will flow easily for them, but I wish them a happy, prosperous future together. _

_ And to all of you, a happy, healthy, safe, and wealthy 2012. May we all have happy beginnings in our lives. __[/AN]_


	9. Chapter 9

**Unmei no Haguruma: Jiten (Wheel of Fate: Rotation) **

Part I: Missive

She was making breakfast when she heard the knock on the door. Curious, she left the kitchen to answer it.

To her surprise, Kaoru stood at the door, her eyes large and bright with unshed tears.

"Kaoruchan? What's wrong?"

"I… It's nothing, Megumisan, I'm sorry I bothered you!" Turning around, Kaoru ran off. Bewildered, she shut the door.

"Who was it?" her husband asked from the inner court.

"It was… no one important," Megumi said. "Breakfast will be ready shortly." She made her way into the kitchen to to check the soup pot.

"You shouldn't be doing that alone," came the reply. Warm hands were suddenly on hers, a warm masculine chest pressed up against her back. Warm breath tickled her ear. "This one will help you, Megumidono."

She turned her face to kiss the cheek that pressed against hers, tracing the scar with her lips…

"I love you, Kensan."

.oOo.

_[AN] This evil little teaser introduces the first few lines of the continuation in the Unmei no Haguruma cycle, for however long it may continue... Confused? Good! Go read Unmei no Haruma: Jiten! (It's probably not what you think...) [/AN]_


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